这一年，真的挨了很多的人生经验。颓废了一整年，对原来热血澎湃的志愿，严重地失去了平衡点， 最叫我难过死了。
2011，我痛苦的21岁。我要你尽快挥之别去！！！
2011年12月24日星期六
2011年12月13日星期二
Singapore Oldest Person: Sister Teresa Hsu
Singapore's oldest person Teresa Hsu has died at age 113. (Photo courtesy of TEDxSingapore and Mezzé Films)
According to an announcement on the Heart to Heart website, Hsu's welfare service, Hsu died peacefully at her home on 7 December. She was cremated on the same day,"
Hsu wanted to "depart quietly and peacefully" and left instructions not to make any announcement of her death in the news media, or perform any ceremonies that would "cause disturbance and inconvenience to others", said the notice.
The notice was signed by her co-worker Sharana Rao.
"She has further instructed that no claim be made of her ash by whosoever," it added.
Hsu, a trained nurse, devoted her entire life to helping the less fortunate.
Born in a tiny village in the Guangdong province of China, Hsu traveled to various countries, such as Hong Kong and Paraguay, to help others, before settling down in Singapore.
Here, she served first as an unsalaried matron at Kwong Wai Shiu Hospital for about three years before opening an old folks home, called the "Home for the Aged Sick".
After retirement, she turned her attention to her welfare service, Heart to Heart, where she reached out to needy elderly folks and families.
Yahoo! Singapore last featured Hsu in our Inspiring People column for her lifelong work with the less fortunate. Read more about her life story here.
From Yahoo Singapore News
人世间，值得学习的对象之一。还记得，我还是第三年护理学生的时候， 修读老年护理学时，才有机会认识到Sister 许哲。 http://www.sinchew.com.my/node/230060?tid=2
她是一名护士， 一名令人尊敬的白衣天使。
2011年12月3日星期六
2011年11月25日星期五
2011年11月21日星期一
刘庸: 用明天成功的快乐,去治疗你昨天失败的伤痛。 而别把昨天失败的伤痛，带到今天，造成明天再一次的失败。
刘庸:
用明天成功的快乐,去治疗你昨天失败的伤痛。
而别把昨天失败的伤痛，带到今天，造成明天再一次的失败。
用明天成功的快乐,去治疗你昨天失败的伤痛。
而别把昨天失败的伤痛，带到今天，造成明天再一次的失败。
心智上，我又长大一些了。
2011年11月1日星期二
2011年10月13日星期四
Chest pain induced by patient
Every hour with more than 5 call bells minimumly....
.......Demanding.......................................to the max, I unintentionally raised voice to him, but in a gentleway, I guess?? until in the end when I felt that I am hypertensive and with pain over my chest, I remained silence doing my care for him, let him knocked here and there, 比手划脚. Sooner or later I think I will get a day of reckoning for treating him like this. Arrr.....
so bad, so bad, so bad............
Poor social history and poor quality of life, and Uncle.......just hope u can wean off ur ventilator and clear off ur bacterimia.
In my heart, I prayed he will be transferred down to high dependency unit, to GW, back to nursing home fast fast fast.....means he can get back his health and most importantly he will have his friends.....
Too lonely to stay in the ICU cubicle, staring the ceiling, watching the boring nurses going in and out doing routine for him. Don't know when, uncle practice the habit of pressing call bell unstoppably ask for something or complain of something that sometimes nurses couldn't get it. Even when he sleeps, his fingers are still there pressing.
Don't know why, I am still having chest discomfort now. What a day!
2011年10月10日星期一
On adapting the transition of life
Finally, I figured out, why recently, since working, my emotion is fluctuating extremely unstably?
xxxxx
In this significant year, I also enter into the workforce, as a WORKING ADULT, whereby lots of my friends still studying in their university, enjoying their youth time.
From a study adolescent to a working adult, a year where two significant changes happen on me at the same time, from a protective environment to an open environment where life and death are concern, will it be normal that, I say it is a hard environment for me to fully adapt it?
As an adult, I miss adolescence time, I miss my puberty hormone, keep on reflecting to the past, feeling sad and regretful a lot of time, because I wanna go back to my high school time, give me a chance, to go back to make changes in that two years which I find them sucks, I wanna the two years to be meaningful two years, whereby I could manage to get better results than I have done, a happier environment to be than I had. It was too plain to graduate my secondary school like that, I wanna it to be more interesting, because all the while I was mainly stressful on my academics. Undeniable that there is memorable one with some of my buddies, but it was too little...... Although I know, looking back to the past, ain't helping me at all, I just couldn't help it.
And now, being a nurse, graduated this year from nursing school, and got the privileged to pass out to work in highly specialised area, Intensive Care Unit, whereby the sickest people are there, and whereby most of the people working there are with donkey years of experience, and who am I, the inexperience novice. All the while, what make me uneasy is that, when I do reflection what I have done in my work, with all the stupid mistakes I committed, with the negligence that I made which ever cause harm to patient, I started to be paranoid that have I missed out this and that....how are my patients under my care after I pass to others? I worry about my carelessness, and I know being worry ain't helpful, ya, I try my best to be careful to whatever I am doing during my job, being paranoid in checking the dosage of drugs that I am administering, checking and looking on my patients's vitals non-stop, what is happening in the surrounding........But when I go back home, the reflection somehow is being distorted, like what I have done isn't the way it should be......I am overwhelmed with that! Everybody says that, mistakes will make you a better nurse, but it is dangerous to say so, to me, because the one we care for is somebody's loves' one. A lot of time, I wanna find reason to be sick, wanna take MC, don't want to go to work.
I know I should choose a way to be positive, be confident....yeah, I know how to persuade and console myself as I always console others and advice others to stay positive and look forward, move on. And myself is the one on the contrast, who cannot standstill or continue stepping forward and a lot of time, unintentionally stepping backward.
What I can conclude here, biologically speaking, it is the effect of growing hormone, and psychologically wise, it is a normal adaptation period with all kind of emotion when I go through this sociological term, the transition of life...I went through from a child to a teenage, and same things happened whereby there was a lot of complicated feeling and now it is the period of a teenage to a working adult with even more complicated emotions. Thus, yeah, normal to be emotional.
So, be brave, is what I should do now. Back to be an Aries which I used to be. All the sucks will be temporary only. I will see the rainbow one day!
A big smile:)
2011年10月4日星期二
2011年9月25日星期日
小错误足以酿成的麻烦与悲剧
昨天一个不小心犯了一个stupid mistake! 小错误足以酿成的麻烦与悲剧。
被sister训了一顿，说我：“you people like no interest.....what if you don't realise, what will happen to the patient?" 骂得我，心如刀割！努力要做好本份却给错误打坏个人形象！
庆幸，被发现。是的，我又做错了。
*&^%$@!----是给我自己的！下不为例！
被sister训了一顿，说我：“you people like no interest.....what if you don't realise, what will happen to the patient?" 骂得我，心如刀割！努力要做好本份却给错误打坏个人形象！
庆幸，被发现。是的，我又做错了。
*&^%$@!----是给我自己的！下不为例！
2011年9月20日星期二
2011年9月19日星期一
Night Shifts
To me,
Night shifts= Collapse straight away after reaching home......even after sleeping, the tiredness still there....
So,
I really salute those doctors on-call who cannot sleep due to busyness, because they have to work for about 29 hours if lucky, or if unlucky, the hours will be more than that....
I salute them more if after working for long hours, they are still in polite manner. haha....
Sleep deprivation really kills.......
Sleep deprivation really kills.......
2011年9月13日星期二
2011年9月4日星期日
「初戀那件小事」
重复看了这部泰国电影很多很多遍，一部幽默，又令我心疼的一部爱情喜剧。看了后的感觉就像是六年前看了Titanic那样的感觉，似乎有一丝丝的遗憾存留。。。
让我回想起自己当年的少女情怀。虽然现在的我才刚脱离少女时期，踏入成人阶龄。哈哈，
说起着暗恋的激情，青春期的荷尔蒙，我自从离开家乡到新求学时就没那么激烈了，后来的后来，就消失了。
哈哈，现在看了这部剧，真令人回味。想当年我也做过某些傻事，当然没有剧中的女主角那么的明显。也没有像水那样幸运得到对方的青睐。说起改变，我是暗地里地改变自己，在外形方面 （学习和课外活动我一向都很积极的），回想起来，话说减肥对我来说是最痛苦的事， 却在我“思春”荷尔蒙时刻起了非同凡响的效用，我人生最瘦，最爱美的时刻（除了小时候的爱打扮），就是在六年前当我欣赏一个我自称他为“一八五”的男生。 他很高，很高, 高到与我擦肩而过，我的高度连他的肩膀都没能到达。他的精准高度是我后来，他毕业离校之后我才知道。
想当年，我初中三，他高中二（中五）。印象中的他皮肤白皙，身材高壮，很帅，长得像韩国的赵又承 (喜欢阿赵也是因为他)。 最令我不可思议的是，在一天里我可以跟他有很多意外的碰面，自己还会傻到细数碰面的次数。暗地里觉得自己跟人家很有缘。 每一天我都很期待上学，更喜欢星期一的周会，因为可以近距离地望着他的背影。。。后来，跟朋友分享我这份遇到他很多次的喜悦，一抬头就望到他的惊喜，却给朋友讥笑我说她曾经看过的笑话：“一位少女很开心地跟他的某位老师诉说她一天里遇到哪个男生很多次，证明他们很有缘份，老师不打识趣地说，他跟女生的见面次数岂不是超过她跟那男生的缘份？”
晕@~@, 也对啦，我们的学校，在镇里是最小的学校，小到连个足球场都不如。哈哈，自己想多了。
那份激情在男生离校后就没了，维持一年的激情没了，这差不多一年的时间应该是最久的少女情怀吧。但，那时候我给自己的总结是，我对那学长只是纯粹欣赏，并非暗恋，因为，人家离校后不久我就把人家给忘光了。
那是蓝裙白衣傻傻的时代。想起来都很觉得自己很好笑。
哈哈。后来到了poly读书，到医院实习，也试过有一次，对方是一位护士，哈哈，荒繆的是，激动好像是少过两个月。原因也是因为没看到对方，就没了那份遐想。
初恋这件小事，看了几回儿都不腻，但它却给我带来一丝丝的遗憾。勾忆起中学的美好时代，却让我不想长大，我想回到过去做些更傻的事儿。残酷的事实却是每一分每一秒，我的细胞都在催化着我在成长， 而现在已经长大了，依然没有属于自己的初恋。。。。。
悲催啊。。。。。。但积极地想起来，这部影片好像是激起了我，少女纯怀与激动。虽说在很多比我大的成人眼里，我还是个思想简单的黄毛丫头，但以前无厘头的自己比起现在压抑的自己，那充满勇气的傻孩子却是一个很值得怀念的自己。。。
哈哈。后来到了poly读书，到医院实习，也试过有一次，对方是一位护士，哈哈，荒繆的是，激动好像是少过两个月。原因也是因为没看到对方，就没了那份遐想。
初恋这件小事，看了几回儿都不腻，但它却给我带来一丝丝的遗憾。勾忆起中学的美好时代，却让我不想长大，我想回到过去做些更傻的事儿。残酷的事实却是每一分每一秒，我的细胞都在催化着我在成长， 而现在已经长大了，依然没有属于自己的初恋。。。。。
悲催啊。。。。。。但积极地想起来，这部影片好像是激起了我，少女纯怀与激动。虽说在很多比我大的成人眼里，我还是个思想简单的黄毛丫头，但以前无厘头的自己比起现在压抑的自己，那充满勇气的傻孩子却是一个很值得怀念的自己。。。
我还真敢讲出当年的秘密，因为我是个很会守秘密的人。。。哈哈，无所谓啦，说明是想当年，认识我的朋友别吓到哦。。。
2011年8月25日星期四
2011年8月16日星期二
Black part of Nursing!
Nursing, a job seems that it can be handled by everyone, I say so because the admission criteria to nursing course is very low and it does not require much from a person to have any special prerequisites like A-level or special pre-U course to join Nursing, not to mention the direct entry of degree nursing course in University, a Diploma level, which can be entered straight way after O-level, can legalise a graduand to become a State Registered Nurse.
So, putting it in a nutshell, criteria to become a nurse is very easy..... Well, in order to care for human life, nurses need skills, need experience, need critical thinking......which all these can be trained over the days....
But, to me, besides all that, the "heart" in term of being a caring and empathy nurse are the utmost criteria, to patients of course, but please do not forget, towards your COLLEAGUEs!!! as well....Because, we are all human...
Apparently, I was being "fired" a few times by one dianasour senior and even a junior nurse like me, okay, maybe can put her senior than me for about half a year...., which I find all these "firing" are very unreasonable. Really sounds sarcastic and I really wonder when they were "firing" others, did they really process the words in their brain before pouring out from their mouth??? What are their intention? Mentally wise I am always preparing to receive constructive comments from others, always reflecting what i have done, and honestly speaking I am that type of self blamed person which I angry myself more than getting myself mad on others. Those incidents did upset me, I keep on reflecting and found out that I shouldn't always torturing myself, I may not be right all the time, neither am I wrong all the time. Well, thinking in this way make me feel better and not really upset to a very bad extent.
So, just feel that people receiving comments should reflect, people giving comments also should reflect, secretly, seriously and frankly speaking, the very senior senior should reflect her own "weather changed" attitude and the "half a year older than me" junior nurse, please think of your words before commenting on me, dare you speak to a senior like this if yesterday you were receiving reports from a senior? You are just too fake in my opinion....from the day I know you.
Well, all these dissatisfaction, I can only ventilate as much as i can in blog. Sometimes, I do tell somebody whom I trust.
But there is always black sheep in wherever we are. I always afraid that one day I will turn into becoming one of the black sheeps, No, No, it sounds so scary!!!
My angelic nursing world is also a bitchy nursing world.
So, putting it in a nutshell, criteria to become a nurse is very easy..... Well, in order to care for human life, nurses need skills, need experience, need critical thinking......which all these can be trained over the days....
But, to me, besides all that, the "heart" in term of being a caring and empathy nurse are the utmost criteria, to patients of course, but please do not forget, towards your COLLEAGUEs!!! as well....Because, we are all human...
Apparently, I was being "fired" a few times by one dianasour senior and even a junior nurse like me, okay, maybe can put her senior than me for about half a year...., which I find all these "firing" are very unreasonable. Really sounds sarcastic and I really wonder when they were "firing" others, did they really process the words in their brain before pouring out from their mouth??? What are their intention? Mentally wise I am always preparing to receive constructive comments from others, always reflecting what i have done, and honestly speaking I am that type of self blamed person which I angry myself more than getting myself mad on others. Those incidents did upset me, I keep on reflecting and found out that I shouldn't always torturing myself, I may not be right all the time, neither am I wrong all the time. Well, thinking in this way make me feel better and not really upset to a very bad extent.
So, just feel that people receiving comments should reflect, people giving comments also should reflect, secretly, seriously and frankly speaking, the very senior senior should reflect her own "weather changed" attitude and the "half a year older than me" junior nurse, please think of your words before commenting on me, dare you speak to a senior like this if yesterday you were receiving reports from a senior? You are just too fake in my opinion....from the day I know you.
Well, all these dissatisfaction, I can only ventilate as much as i can in blog. Sometimes, I do tell somebody whom I trust.
To me a nurse is a angel, helping patients and whoever in the line with her to grow, until now, I still have angelic perception about nursing. A kind heart that she should possess.
But there is always black sheep in wherever we are. I always afraid that one day I will turn into becoming one of the black sheeps, No, No, it sounds so scary!!!
My angelic nursing world is also a bitchy nursing world.
2011年8月11日星期四
Terminal extubation
My patient is to be terminally extubated,
A body lying in front, who we care for, has lost his functioning of brain capacity, haemodynamically fuctioning with the assistance of machine.
Just like those drama that we watch, we have to literally take off the ventilator tubing, switch off the ventilator screen, waiting for the heart to show that it has stopped pumping at the physiological monitoring and offer our last respect service to the deceased which is called "last office".
Just like those drama that we watch, we have to literally take off the ventilator tubing, switch off the ventilator screen, waiting for the heart to show that it has stopped pumping at the physiological monitoring and offer our last respect service to the deceased which is called "last office".
I haven't experienced it yet, because the team was only informing the family about the decison when i had ended my shift yesterday.
I saw the tears of the poor father, the friends when i was about to leave the hospital.
他一生坎坷的生命就此结束了。
安息。
I saw the tears of the poor father, the friends when i was about to leave the hospital.
他一生坎坷的生命就此结束了。
安息。
2011年8月9日星期二
2011年8月7日星期日
Attempt extubation
Life in hospital will never be boring,
everyday, patients will give us different "excitement"....
Yesterday my pt. attempted to self extubate, luckily we were able to stop him, but because of his regurgitation, saturation didn't return, he got aspiration, sweat!!!!
I was shocked at that time, panic to the max, did open suctioning for him and to our horror, it was milk feed!!!
Staff who guided me, cool and calm enough and Dr. who attended him, decided to reintubate him, meanwhile, both of them kept on 叮诉me:"Don't panic, don't worry, stay calm...." I was shocked and freaked to the max!!! Gong X2, yyy?
Successful reintubation! I was guilty by the fact that the event can be prevented if i pressed his hand and be more aware of his action after releasing his restrainer.
Maybe i can or i cannot understand why my patient treated himself like this. Maybe is he wanted to XXX???
Saddened by the act of my patient! Yet, he provided me the opportunity to learn...how to deal with emergency situation...
Yesterday my pt. attempted to self extubate, luckily we were able to stop him, but because of his regurgitation, saturation didn't return, he got aspiration, sweat!!!!
I was shocked at that time, panic to the max, did open suctioning for him and to our horror, it was milk feed!!!
Staff who guided me, cool and calm enough and Dr. who attended him, decided to reintubate him, meanwhile, both of them kept on 叮诉me:"Don't panic, don't worry, stay calm...." I was shocked and freaked to the max!!! Gong X2, yyy?
Successful reintubation! I was guilty by the fact that the event can be prevented if i pressed his hand and be more aware of his action after releasing his restrainer.
Maybe i can or i cannot understand why my patient treated himself like this. Maybe is he wanted to XXX???
Saddened by the act of my patient! Yet, he provided me the opportunity to learn...how to deal with emergency situation...
2011年8月4日星期四
May he rests in peace.
:(, Just get to know it today, a patient who is significant to me in my beginning of nursing life, passed away two days ago.
May he rests in peace.
May he rests in peace.
2011年8月2日星期二
Terrible night shift!
What a terrible night shift that i have, unstable patients......
The terrible was complicated by my slowness....
The worst part was i couldn't help my colleagues much who were busying the whole night admitting a superbly unstable polytrauma patient.
Xiao Li Jie Jie, I will speed up, I will, in order to cope with the overloading workloads.
Again, again, again, again, again, exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. Please do not give up!
The terrible was complicated by my slowness....
The worst part was i couldn't help my colleagues much who were busying the whole night admitting a superbly unstable polytrauma patient.
Xiao Li Jie Jie, I will speed up, I will, in order to cope with the overloading workloads.
Again, again, again, again, again, exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. Please do not give up!
2011年8月1日星期一
Happy Nurses' Day to Singapore Nurses & Happy JCI audit to Tan Tock Seng Hospital
Happy Nurses' Day to Singapore Nursed & Happy JCI audit to Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
1 August 2011, my fourth year celebrating Nurses's day here, first year celebrating as a full pledged Registered Nurse. Coincidentally, the organisation that I join in is facing its big day today as well--JCI accreditation audit started today till Friday.
Wishing all the best to my "Virgin Hospital"-- the busiest hospital in Singapore, a very nice hospital to learn.
Today, after ended night shift, went eating with colleagues, talking about the status of a Registered Nurse in Singapore, is so much different with other country whereby those country highly recognise RN status as high social status, high paid, less workload...etc, everyone seems to be not satisfied with the social status being recognised here--they claim that they are only "High Paid Maids", mainly pertaining to the fact that we have to clean up patient, dealing with their eliminations.
Of course, i was strongly disagree with their points, one of my colleague claimed that she was like me before when she was still a fresh pass out Junior Nurse, being so innocent about the "World of Singapore Nursing." . She wants to see how long can I be in my "World of Denial" which to her opinion.
Ya, I want to see also how long can I persist. I think I will still persist my own perception.
Ya, I want to see also how long can I persist. I think I will still persist my own perception.
Isn't that part of a Nurse's duty is to provide comport to our patients? To me, if there is none of the nurses doing the cleaning job, who else can do it for the poor needy who can't help themselves at all when they are in a totally different environment and with health being compromised?
We are CAREGIVER, ADVOCATER, SUPPORTER & EDUCATOR for patients .
We are CAREGIVER, ADVOCATER, SUPPORTER & EDUCATOR for patients .
A skill that that a Nurse should possess--Our job is to know everybody's job, but not all that we know we can/must do it, because it is the matter of training background and issue of legalisation.
2011年7月29日星期五
2011年7月23日星期六
Medication Error
I committed it.
E-HOR (Hospital Occurrence Report) raised.
It is very depressing!
In my whole nursing career, it will become a blackspot a strong reminder!
In my whole nursing career, it will become a blackspot a strong reminder!
2011年7月16日星期六
My first resuscitation
Successfully revert pt. back from the door of d____.
I sincerely hope that he will be able to make it tonight...
Given all the strength that i could to pump his heart....
Bodhisatva, please help him......
As a front-line healthcare worker, i know this kind of conditions will always exists...in my life...
2011年7月9日星期六
坚强
不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭, 不要难过, 不可以哭.
此时, 真想找一个能够接受我在他/她面前流眼泪的朋友,诉说自己在医院工作时遭遇的一切.
此时, 真想找一个能够接受我在他/她面前流眼泪的朋友,诉说自己在医院工作时遭遇的一切.
伤心, 愤怒于自己的愚蠢.
难过, 责怪于自己的紧张.
悲哀, 压迫于那陌生的系统与工作流程.
自卑, 羞扯于被大庭广众里被揭露自己的愚笨.
无阻, 迷茫于在紧急状况时没人引导我只干过一次的事情.
还有三个月的时间, 我能吗? 我时常徘徊着在这个忧郁问题里. 就快逼疯了!
还有三个月的时间, 我能吗? 我时常徘徊着在这个忧郁问题里. 就快逼疯了!
现在惟有能做的就是我的坚强, 叮诉自己x1000000000000000次, 不要难过, 不要哭, 因为那些泪水是留回给自己的, 倒不如别把它给流露.
2011年7月3日星期日
2011年7月1日星期五
Ganbatte ne!
"There is nothing like dreading a particular task to make you feel tired and unmotivated. Instead of feeling on the potential horror at hand, concentrate on the feeling of satisfaction you will enjoy on it successful completion"......
xxxxxx
Tiredness does inhibit me to proceed, "you" are my greatest enemy now!!!
Motivation please bet "him" down!!!
2011年6月25日星期六
Being accepted by her....
Since I was scolded by her yesterday, today i was "lucky" again to be assigned to nurse her.
Because her next door neighbour pt. was having dialysis, so a ICU specific trained staff was doing dialysis for the pt., I have to be a support staff in taking care of the pt and she is at next door, so no choice but to fully in charge of her.
She rejected me...okay, nevermind, I assured or consoled myself.......because I am not the first one scolded by her, not the first one cried because of her.
Luckily another nurse who she trusts, explained to her not to be selective, give a chance to new nurse and not to be fierce, so that she won't frighten away people who wants to do good on her.
Subsequently, she accepted me and accepted my care and most importantly she bear my clumsiness, because when confronting her, I am still in fear. I am very happy today which it could tell on my face.....and i appreciated the nurse who helped me to explain...she asked me did the pt. apologise to me. No, she didn't but she said thank you to me.
I didn't angry on her words, because I feel for her...but i really upset that she didn't value me at first.
I did not perform a good care to her but she still thanked me. Ya, it's enough. Thanks for being generous to accept me.
I did not perform a good care to her but she still thanked me. Ya, it's enough. Thanks for being generous to accept me.
今日、私は嬉です。
2011年6月24日星期五
Being verbally abused by pt.
I always felt for her unfortunate, I held her hand whenever i was there to accompany her if any procedure done on her.
I felt for her discomfort and pain when i saw her crying, I was crying in my heart at that moment too...
And, today i was in charge of her, I cried out immediately after her word "stupid" to me....
I can stand any scolding, comment in my work, but not from my patients. I value them, and hoping them to value me as well.
今日、私は とても悲しい。
2011年6月23日星期四
Bloody Hungry...
I am bloody hungry at this hour.....night time....post work,
because I was so busy in work just now,
talk and talk and talk, check and check and check, click and click and click, chart and chart and chart, sweat and sweat and sweat.... run for the other nurses to get things, transport my huge pt. for scan, rewrite report because wrong entry....
yes 1 pt. again, but then still have a lot of things to do......
still being helped by my preceptor.....must tell her to help me less.......so than i can grow...
and, i off duty 1/2 hr late,
And, from the cases i encounter these few days, i realise i am "Jonah" in pt. who needs transport for scan, whose blood sugar level is not good and super haywire, agitated pt.......haha.
I don't scare and mind to encounter hardship, i will always seeking for improvement.
私は改善を求めています。
Erm, after a bowl of noodles and coffee.....energetic now........haha.....
2011年6月20日星期一
让我产生恐惧感的医生
今天, 我跟一个医生transfer我的pt.去PICC line insertion, 是她。
大家公认的好医生，
我认为的可怕医生，因为以前学生时代她就在那儿，她给我们的感觉就是瞧不起学生，是大家（学生时代一起实习的朋友公认的）。
她一个眼神，一个不懂怎么形容的眼神，我很快地被她电傻，每次要跟她报告什么都很怕，遇到她就会神志错乱。
到现在我还是很怕她，是超怕她的。今天好死不死， 真的很倒霉，跟她一起输送病人insert line, 第一次自己take responsibility 输送病人，我竟然忘了拿case note.........直奔回去拿，紧张得我不得了，立刻打电话回ward, 声音频道是可以炸整座山的。 我知道是很基本的东西。偏偏我却犯了一个芝麻绿豆的错误。
奔到angio room时，她就问pt. 是不是on contact precautions, 哦，死了这回，take over report 的时候没注意到，死了死了死了，就凭我一个月前的记忆说了，她有xxx, 她说不是，是xxx. 不止如此，她还藐了一个不懂怎么样的眼神给我。
回到ward, 才发现我俩都错，病人现在什么precautions都不是。我错了，错得很严重，因为我只有一个病人，却没有注意此事。
今天，我的却为我的愚蠢错误很伤心， 但却懊恼在那个医生对我的态度。
不能否认，她是善良，是看人而善良。当每个人都觉得她很好，却如此地对我，我更加懊恼。
她的一举一动似乎在藐视我，当然我自己也承认自己很菜鸟，超级菜鸟，但，当一个人以不相信你的眼光看你，这绝对是一个很大很大的绊脚石。
我心想，安慰自己，可能是我前世对她不好吧，所以今世才会遭到如此待遇。是我菜得不得了吗？还是她真的是如此对我？
我只是觉得，她是到现在为止，唯一一个让我产生恐惧感的医生。
今天无论多累，明天是morning shift, 我还是要将自己的难过给写出来。
菜鸟啊菜鸟，你什么时候才会长进啊？虽然自己菜，不能怪她人，但还是要说，长进了，就不用看人家的脸色做人， 不止是医生，还有一些不喜欢自己的护士。
2011年6月19日星期日
True Love
即便Mdm X, 是如何的难伺候，需要大量大量大量大量大量大量的TLC (tender, loving care---护理界最常用的),
但，Mr. X, 却没有因为她的病情而离弃她，依然容忍与疼爱妻子．
多年来，依然如此．
以另外一个角度来衡量，Mdm.X是幸福的．
我相信每个女孩都希望自己的另一半都像Mr. X，^^我也不例外。
医院就像个人生舞台，我们能给病人的只是短暂的治疗，他们却给予我们很多课文上得不到的人生领悟．
护理感言：昨天我全程只是照顾Mdm X，一点都不复杂的护理，但却复杂在那大量大量大量大量大量大量的TLC，虽说我真的很想爆发，但职业精神却告诉我不能如此，一定要站在病人的角度想．后来，因为压抑，我头疼了．哈哈！
2011年6月18日星期六
2011年6月14日星期二
我有好多话想说....
我有好多话想说....
却不知从何说起.
生活在压力重重的环境下, 很多时候会喘不过气.
我是个超不会解压的人.
为了使自己不要放弃,首先得学会解压.
压力可真逼死人, 其中一个就是头疼得半死.
好想尽情地部落, 但却没闲情.
我有很多话想说...
但要等到下回的闲情来临, 才能痛快地把想说的都给打出来.
2011年5月31日星期二
2011年5月29日星期日
Rushing life
Working life is very rush, rush,
every review, every clicking, every documentations, every referring to paper, every talking to either colleagues, pt. pt's family member, every steps of walking...................
every moment, every steps counts precious time.
Too many things can't finish, too many things helped by nurses who guided me, too many things that i should pick up my time management skills, don't know too many work processes that colleague mentioned, too many changes that are not informed and it is changed silently in the system, discovered suddenly or either is not discovered at all....
........................................................dead tired and i am only taking care for 2 friends.
Tied by management, lose pt's touch that i would wish to give...no choice.......my apology to my dear pts. Hopefully when i am more competence, i won't treat you as an object for me to manipulate in order finish up stuffs, instead should be a feeling of "taking care".
2011年5月25日星期三
I PROMISE...
In full knowledge of the obligations I am undertaking, I PROMISE to provide a competent standard of care for the sick, regardless of race, religion and status, sparing no effort to alleviate suffering and promote health and to refrain from any action which might endanger life. I will respect at all times the dignity of the patients under my care, holding in confidence all personal information entrusted to me. I will maintain my professional knowledge and skill at the highest level and give support and co-operation to all members of the health team. I will abide by the Singapore Nursing Board Standards of Practice for Nurses and Midwives, and be responsible and accountable at all times for my nursing actions and decisions. I will do my utmost to honour the Code of Ethics and Professional Conduct of the Singapore Nursing Board. I will uphold the integrity of the professional nurse. |
We were making our promise...
Ah Ko, Ah ma and Dai Ko attended my big day...
Haha, Poh Zen and Lih Jiun also came...
Gifts from Dai Ko...
2011年5月21日星期六
On The Transition of SN to another form of SN
Student Nurse to Staff Nurse.....
A team of GS dr who came to review my pt. today called me "Staff Nurse", a weird feeling gushed into my mind, r u calling me? Of course i responded to him. Asked me any issues yesterday with regard to my pt., Nothing come into my mind, so a "no" to him. But after the 3 of them left, then only i remembered, the vacuum suctioning issue.
My SICU medical site big boss, today when she made round to my patient, i was following the round as i was the nurse-in charge of the two pts. My mind was blank thinking of other things because i thought she was talking to the respiration therapist. All of a sudden, i caught her eyes unintentionally. To my surprise she seemed talking to me. Well, actually she was conducting some form of informative teaching. Then i pretended to knock my head with nothing of her info coming into my mind--I was then pulled back from the lalaland. She is a good dr., because she cares nursing site opinion, asked my opinion on cutting down the sedation.
Well, they are small issues and yet i am overwhelmed with it. Because 3 months ago, i was being viewed transparent as a SN, and now being another form of SN is just a sudden transition.
Recruit from what my ADON in nursing education line, Sister Lay Hoon used to joke with us, we seem to forget our position which has changed, we tend to ask "staff nurse" for help if we are helpless and panic, forgetting that we are Staff Nurse too....haha
My current SN position is just the kickstart of responsibility.........
2011年4月30日星期六
我看到你。。。Ｉ ｓｅｅ ｙｏｕ
本来被派去ccu，后来庆幸的被调回去prcp ward, SICU.
很久没有认真，结果刚到ccu的时候做了一件丢脸的事情。
算，还好让我回去sicu。
教训告诉我，做事情不能take for granted. 即便是简单的，都不能忽视，越简单，越要把它给做好。我必须做一个负责任的人。对得起自己的良心，负得起该承担的责任。
六个月的试用期开始，自律请包庇我，我需要您的毅力。庆幸被分派一个挺不错的preceptor. 人，事，物都齐全了，最后是看我自己了。我会加油，辛苦的路，我会挑战到底。
我是，我看到你。。。的护士。
我以身为护理员为荣，以服务病人为挚至。
2011年4月6日星期三
我的最后一个以学生身份渡过的假期。
整整一个月没有动过这一个部落格了。因为，懒。在家很舒服，什么都不愿干。
这一个多月的假期，又是在新马两带来来回回的。
拿了一张让我倍感压力的证书卡。
找了一套组屋，与哥哥还有他的两位女同学合租的，找到挺便宜的，不错，但伤心的是不能与我的阿姐同住了。她是我的best roommate forever, 身为朋友support我，身为roomate呢，就迁就我。阿姐，谢谢你。谢谢你一直以来的陪伴：）
阿姐和立俊俩人帮我搬了一大半的重物，辛苦俩人了：）谢谢你们，真是患难见真情，哈哈！
搬家真的很好笑，搬一次笑一次，我还真多东西啊，总共用了三辆的士来搬。。。琳姐才用了两辆。 又抹又整理的，累死人了！结果，琳姐和我，一个惨痛手，另一个惨痛脚。
每次回家，星期六一定会到文德公公的家听经。重温经的精髓。
与死党见面，送了一份我超喜欢的礼物，汶镁，！ほんとに ども ありがとう ございました！
还去她家与她共宿一晚，聊了很多很多，也看到她那些吓死人的课本，我的妈呀，读太多东西了！也荣誉受邀参加她家举办的"打边炉", 朋友，很好吃。
很庆幸我有她这位好友，能够是长久要好的朋友是很难得的。所以还在新加坡的那两位 （其实是三位，是有一位很难见一次面，所以友谊没以前那么浓了，虽然我和他同一个course, 但不同班和组，所以很少见面，见面了也讲不上十句；虽然也有另一位也很少见面，但我自觉得见面了，还是能谈畅自如，至少我是这么觉得的。p/s: 虽然是我一直讲比较多。。。），要好好和我保持友好关系哦！
为什么本人觉得长久要好的朋友是很难得的呢？因为也有约其他以前要好的朋友出来见见面。就觉得好像没什么好谈，他们好像也不怎么爱听我说的，就爱一直“酸”人，说什么，都会给他们“酸”得一餐饱。还真的是zzzzzzz！
第二轮回家（倒回新第二度搬家再跑回家），妈妈病了差不多一个礼拜，很担心。T.T, 没有妈妈那浩亮的嗓子，我很不习惯。妈妈没力煮好吃的给我吃。。。T.T, 幸亏最后两天都好了，还没离开家前还能尝到我妈的饭菜。她是我的best cook forever!!!! 心里一直很想帮我妈彻底打扫家里，可是却非常的懒！妈妈不但训了我一顿，还封我叫：“睡仙”...zzzzzz,haha, 睡功一流，能吃更能睡，才会这么胖。。。
拉直了头发，坐在那儿5个小时的，又抹又洗又拉的。最辛苦的是，不能洗头，绑头发，把头发塞进耳后三天。
在家渡过21岁生日，我家没有庆祝生日的习惯，我爸更不会记得这些事情。收到了朋友在面子书上的祝福，还有死党的“爱的泡泡”，哈哈，我就这样，正式变成成人了。以后我不用再冒用或者代替我爸妈的签名（因为离家早，寄回家让父母签，很麻烦)，可以正式签自己的名对自己负责任了。
没什么动到书本，开工时等着被人嫌吧！choi!
阅读了一个部落者的几篇文章之后，感言是，希望他本人会再站起来，继续走回他想要走的路。我也曾经失败，而且败得很早，那些日子真的不堪回首。但，现在都不去想它了，前面的路才是我必须珍惜的。
逗留在家的前一天，去了看爷爷和奶奶。他们有提起我那个他们称人不像人鬼不像鬼的女儿，我的姑姑。奶奶提着说着，眼泪都掉了下来。她还说我堂弟听到她和爷爷的某个对话，很生气，想要去打她。别说他，连我也很想去刮她两巴掌，用暴力把她给刮醒！！！！！无论怎样，你在这一世父母只有那一对。吃到四十多岁，还是个大学毕业生，怎么头脑就那么地不会想！！！！真想寄一封信到她家，里面写个14个大大的字，让她看了，看自己羞不羞：“树欲静而风不止，子欲养儿亲不待！”
如常，爷爷，爸爸妈妈，送我搭车回新，这次我没有说很难过很难过，可能是接受了我已长大，要工作的事实了。
今天去医院拿制服，气死人了，大的太大，只有刚刚好的，如果我在瘦点就会比较宽松了，希望工作后会瘦！！！！
好吧，顺道祝自己星期一：“开工大吉！”
完。这就是，我的最后一个以学生身份渡过的假期。
2011年3月18日星期五
I'm very sad for Japan
Japan is the place where i love the country, the culture and what make me attached the most is the people.
Bodhisattva, please help the nation, especially those who i know.
Please be strong, Japan.
Bodhisattva, please help the nation, especially those who i know.
Please be strong, Japan.
2011年2月28日星期一
Holidays! Hooray!!!
假期了，久违的假期，令我万分期待，但还得呆在新加坡乡办些琐碎的问题，无法立刻回家。
现在真的长大了，我得留在这里办的都是成年人的问题， 如申请工作准证，搬家等，哈哈，听起来好像很酷。
成为一个小大人了。
痛恨自己不早点申请做这边的永久居民，不然的话，这个八月份，我就可以上大学了。背后很多复杂的原因，叙述得来，我就会越想越生气自己！！！
说起搬家，又开心又难过，开心莫过于有自己的窝，不用跟房东住；难过的就是，我必须跟我的阿姐分离，一个与我分享了三年开心与难过的同伴。
又是时候收拾那凌乱的书本，假期的心情之余，还得好好学习了。
那痛苦的三个月结束了，自己给自己的总结是，必须要有信心，必须要自律勤奋。
台湾第一位无国界医生宋睿祥医师的人生座右铭：“若要如何，全凭自己。”，我也得改变自己，才配得起职业的尊称，也才能好好地走完我这一世的人生。
2011年2月26日星期六
2011年2月23日星期三
Officially Graduate
Today was my last day to be called as a student nurse. Say goodbye to the stressful Surgical ICU. 3 months there, i cried, i stressed, i prayed whenever i went to work, i felt demotivated, i scared besides the gd things happened. The bad things just too much.
Where will be my future working place? I don't know, can i go back to ICU? I don't know, or should i go back to my initial interest? choose A&E? Too many to worry, my own competency to be considered.
In one and a half month time, i am licensed to be a Registered Nurse, start off with Staff Nurse II.
In times to come, when i am competent and knowledgeable, i want to treat my students and teach them patiently,
because every beginners has their own difficulty to start off to be confident.
I am one of them. I know i can be better if i have neutral confidence.
RN, RN, sounds great, but to be addressed this title, it is just another journey to start in taking the responsibilities of someone's life.
2011年2月22日星期二
Reward of a nurse
I feel rewarded when my patients get better,
but when some patients do not show up nice incline in health improvements after a long time,
I sort of like want to give up on the pt and unconsciously creating a space with him,
This is an evil thinking in nursing career, mentality wise, I should be always praying for them and not cursing them!
Miracle does happens sometimes with persistent holistic medical and nursing care, what needs more are
time and SPIRIT of caring the patients.
2 more days to be called as a student nurse, shall i be happy or worry?
2011年2月11日星期五
Piakkkkkkkkkkkk
I am too used to offer call bell to pt.
Until today, i offered a call bell to a pt. with tetraplegic .
Pt. said it is no use to him.
Dioong!!""!!
OMGoodness, a tight slap on my face, piakkkkkk! forgotten already.....
Sorry my pt., i hope i won't sadden you.
2011年2月9日星期三
Updates for PRCP
Today, there was one collapsed case in SICU that i am working.
Just seen how fast the movements were about when it came to resuscitation.
Just seen how fast the movements were about when it came to resuscitation.
So again, personally feel that working in ICU needs high alert.
And SICU, because it deals with wounds....and blood, pt. with polytrauma especially, the room will stink with blood...i felt like vomit when i smell it. hold my breath and discovered it when helping to do spinal turning. hermmh...I wonder if any proper nursing care could eliminate it?
Hate the computerised charting a lotzzzzzzzzzzzzz! a lot of unnecessary charting to me. Its like nursing the computer more than touching the patients.
Still forgetful about the routine: BSL checking, dressing changing, water flushing, meds serving, pt's turning, topical cream applying, perianal care, bed sheet changing....................and moral support (to me, this is as important as medical management and i am mute when confronting pt. with a strict preceptor, over frightened by her....)
And I started to define what is....."MY PATIENT', means to me?
If i put the context into a serious component, MY PATIENT is my family, would the heart of caring be different? Recently find that seems like i am not nursing a human life, panicky. Started to become robotic?
2011年2月6日星期日
Being manipulated
Sense of being manipulated seriously.
Can't get pissed off, can't comment due to unique situation.
But Dear Friends Ooi Ling and Wen Mei, I need your pairs of listening ears for my grumbling.
Becoz both of u are my only friends who know the situations best.......
And i need my parents to protect me, i need them because my ah pa and ah ma are 'parents' by 'training', they know their kids best.
People who are not parent for any kids will never ever understand how a kid thinks, how a kid's life wish to be.
A lot of times you think you are right, actually you are immersed in your own world with the fact that you are wrong with a lot of judgement. You think you know people the best, actually you know nothing of them! You think the job of other is just being very simple and always favor the usefulness and wisdom about that particular occupation, you make me speechless!
I know i owe you a lot and WAS respecting you but your self centered and the way you plan people's life just make me desperately depressed!
How should i confront her?
2011年2月3日星期四
Happy Chinese New Year
Binge eating problem strikes me back!!!
Get scolded in clinical. Feel embarrassed and disappointed!
One month to go, still feel lost!
Getting fatter and lazier. Limitless sleeping yet still feel exhausted.
Miss home and friends a lotzzzz!
And, today is Chinese New Year, seems nothing to me.
Being abroad, going to celebrate with my patients later.
Anyway, i think all these moody thingy will happen once in a month.
Guess what:
It is my freaking"Premenstrual Syndrome!", Arghh.
No, i should be positive because today is CNY!!!! New start for Chinese. Proud to be Chinese indeed. Okay, henceforth, positive mind please come back!
Happy Chinese New Year!! to all Chinese in all around the world, and specially dedicated to floaters living abroad who are far away from their beloved family...
2011年1月27日星期四
ICU plays mathematics
Seriously feel that ICU plays with plus and minus a lots.
One patient has 7 to 8 drips running at one time. Faint. Dilute here and titrate there.
むずかしね！！！！！！！！！！
2011年1月17日星期一
I have an international look + PRCP
My patient said i look like Japanese because I am fair (hihi) and the way i talk (oops, maybe i apologized too much....) and to my personal view: maybe is due to my my English (I don't speak Singlish, neither am i speaking fluent English, but i always try to speak proper English with proper grammar....) makes he felt that i am?
Haha. Really? Appearance wise how can he judged. I was wearing mask. Well, i told him, i am very happy to hear that and i went to Japan bf. I am a poor-portrayed Malaysian, because I don't carry my Malaysian accent with me, unless i am with Malaysian friends together. Haha, I am mostly misunderstood to be China Chinese (frm Guang Dong...), Hong Kongner, sometimes Singaporean, even Filipino, Korean, Taiwanese, Japanese.......
...........................................
PRCP.
I have too high expectations on myself, i aimed not to commit stupid mistakes everyday when i go to hospital. And yet, everyday i will commit some.
But, yesterday i committed a serious mistake that i couldn't forgive myself. I nearly do harms on my poor pt. Luckily i was saved on time. If not, for my whole life, i will live with guilty.
My staff who saved me on time asked what is my objective coming for this PRCP, i said the major one is not to do mistakes, even for the simplest job. She said i shouldn't think in that way.
Yup, she was true. Nobody wants to commit mistakes. The more you hope not to, the more you commit.
Today, i committed some, but they were not life threatening one. Those stupid mistakes actually could be prevented, but....
provided that my brain is with me, so sad, my brain is always sabotaging me! Brain ah brain, please concentrate and have critical mind pls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or, maybe i hope to jump fast whereby i couldn't. I am overestimated myself!
Tired of going hospital, no motivation, hate meeting unfriendly staffs (dislikes this the most, i will get lost easily in front of those who are not friendly), hate of being asked: How long have you been here (isshhhhhh! not everybody is a fast learner, ok!), dislikes staffs who do not give a proper care (because i am forced to follow their style, i choose to keep quiet for their nonprofessional care because if i say something, am sure they will get mad with me, hate me and poking me behind).
Well, of course there are happy moments if i meet staffs who are friendly, willing to teach, staffs who give proper care (even though i am scolded and yelled but i am still very grateful for being precepted by this kind of professional staff). And of course the happiest moment is i can have some improvements but the satisfaction will always defeated by those stupid mistakes.
Tomorrow off for one day, so happy!
2011年1月11日星期二
2011年1月10日星期一
Allergy to "FASTER"....Arghhhh!
Super irritating! The word 'Faster' keep on buzzing at me!
Hello, i am new ok! DEMORALISING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2011年1月1日星期六
PRCP updates + Happy English New Year 2011
PRCP to me is a very important thing to me, my 3 years of Nursing course, whether i could successfully pass out, it holds a great control.
It is a different posting, ventilated patients, tracheo patients, chest tube patients, ARDS patients with superly low Spo2, whole body with all kinds of tube.....
First time, i did last office for a deceased patient, First time, i saw PEA and asystole, i wiped her body, wrapped her and saw how the nurses and doctor broke bad news. I did not feel sad, nor i cried. i used to afraid to witness death happened on my patients whom i nursed. i did not feel that desperate mainly because i did not nurse her, she was admitted to SICU in the middle of the night and died the other day. From that incident, i started to gain some insight, ICU is what the heck place where patients either can make it or the other way. No alive patients will be discharged from ICU, they will be stepped down to HD or GW, the only discharge procedure is a forever bye bye case.
First time taking care of poly trauma patient, pin traction, haaah, looking at and touching her makes my body feels aching, it is heart aching to see what she is going through. It is very painfullll! Reminded me of my cousin.
First time seeing patient BP crashed, wah, super scary, happened to be there, scared of being called to do something. I wanted to escape but the other hand i wanted to learn, so i chose to stay. Luckily, i am not told to do anything. Phewwh~ Another same case, first time seen one bedside OGD case, scared to approach, but for learning purpose i forced myself to approach, the scope tube is freaking huge. Why am i always scare, mainly because i afraid to be told to do something that are beyond my ability.
First time feeling embarrassed in clinical, because do not know how to pass a handover report. Feel embarassed when the sister who came to spot check us. She said there are 3rd year students who are able to pass a fabulous report, we can't.
First time meet a Registered Nurse who owns a thinking mind and caring heart. Not that the other do not have, but he cares who we are although he has nothing to do with us, neither is our CI nor our preceptor. I am a fortunate kid, because i have my own caring preceptor and him. He goes beyond to help us. Overheard that he lost passion, I hope that he regain back his real passion. I need him. We need him.
First time having fear to go for posting, because patients are too ill and i am too nerdy. Fear of unfriendly staffs that make me feel lousy. Yes, i am slow, i am dumb, i am poor in communication,but i promise to be caring if my passion, diligence, conscience and responsibility remain with me. No, i just couldn't lose all these.
First time freaking hate one nursing job, haha, not the caring patients part, i dislike one of the Enrolled Nurse's job, these 2 weeks i have been doing EN job, because we have to be competent at the basic job even though we are trained to be RN. Argghhh, the job is: topping up the individual cubicle items. Arghh! I am a failed stock topper!!!!!
First time having counselling on 'u must socialise' from my school CI, because i asked her whether i can request to work during CNY. Her respond was: 'come sit down, i seriously need to talk to you, you are abnormal....' She counselled me to be more socialise, going out with friends, building up a fictive kins relationship is important because you are staying overseas, and one funny point she had stressed for a few times:'who knows by socialising u will meet ur prince charming' haha. Ya, she is true that i should socialise more, not that i want to meet my Prince, haha, it is mainly because i am poor in communication, scare to speak up compared to those olden days. Lost my gut, not a straight forward me anymore. Ok, hope that next time when i c her, i can proudly say that i have gone out of the shell.
............well, PRCP, i care you. care, care, care u lotzzzzzz. Floating on basics, lacking advanced knowledge, lacking hands on practice, inner fear, lacking critical mind, poor in communication, i want to get rid all of these. I want to be the competent one.
Well, finish crapping, still have 2 challenging months of PRCP. Next week starts RN job performance. Today i am tidying up my room, again a failed room keeper because my things will always go into a mess no doubt i have tidied them. I dislike this keeping and tidying job! Not yet finished! Blog 1st!
And lastly....................Happy English New Year of 2011 to those who read my blog. Must stay healthy.
And from today i am unofficially 21 years old, approaching an adult age. Time flies.
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