很想念很想念很想念你的眼神。
突然发现，我害怕直望陌生人的眼神了。
因为害如怕抬头一望那不是你的眼神，失望了。
2010年5月19日星期三
Friendship being affected
I tried my best to understand your condition,
there was once i felt extremely sorry to you, and so bad of myself,
keep on blaming myself, what a friend am i?
but then, u still keep on being a difficult and threatened person to me.
What am i going to do?
I really fed up, tired to argue with you, felt guilty when gossiping about you as well,
Apparently,
is going through this AVOIDANCE, i am not that close with you anymore,
no longer chatting happily with you,
no longer asking how do you feel,
no longer feeling even to initiate a single conversation with you.
It is too bad,
there is a barrier.........
exhausted.........................................with piles of projects, piles of knowledge, piles of ................ RELATIONSHIP AFFAIRS!!
No choice, but to go through all these blindly!
Sometimes, thinking too much isn't a good thing, i was, and i inhibit this habit now.
Being a blind person to face the haywire life is also one way of living. (A weird new thought? i dun knw).
Gambateh to myself!
2010年5月12日星期三
Happy Nurses' Day, 12/5/2010, in the memory of late Florence Nightingale, A day tht is significant to me and my brother.
Happy Nurses' Day, in the memory of late Florence Nightingale,
the Mother of Nursing who had enhanced Nursing as one of the noble job with all her efforts she made for the sick and needy during the war time.
This was my third time my brother message me to wish me Happy Nurses' Day,
if not, i think i won't remember this date, because Singapore celebrates Nurses' Day on 1/8.
To my brother,every year 12/5, it is a significant and important day to him. He made an uneasy choice to enter a job that not much guy will choose.
Since the day i popped out the words:"i want to be a nurse!" at the age of 15 and for my merely 3 years of student nurse life, my bro has always to be the one who influences me.
He was the one who ever objected me to enter nursing as what he thought that i could choose a much better career than this,
who warned me a lot when he was a first year student nurse,
who called me then and talked for 2 hours + through the phone to support my ambition when his tutor asked him to encourage me to pursue my ambition,
who supported me to become a nurse but objected me vigorously to Singapore and insisted me to his college in Malacca,
who cried and blamed himself for being the first son and yet couldn't give her sister what she wanted,
who blessed and worried me when i first and forever left home to Singapore,
who requested his tutor's friend who was a nurse educator in NUH to take care of me,
who replied my msg and complimented me to become an excellent nurse whenever i texted him that i passed my skill test,
who told me a lot of Hospital Story and shared with me his nursing notes,
who told me the importance of Nursing when i was intended to give up Nursing,
who taught me to value Nursing as a nurse has a pair of blessing hands,
who was and is, the first and only that wish me Happy Nurses' Day on 12/5 every year.......
Of course, my ambition and determination to become a nurse are not influenced by my brother, to be honest, non at all. However, as what my nursing best friend, lao er, claimed that all nurses that are male, most of them are sissy, and she hates to have relationship with nurse who is a boy, (i can't address "male nurse", can't label them with this, a nurse is regardless of sex). Well, to me, nurses who are male, they are cute, they are noble, they are gentle, they are superb. Not because they really portray these good characteristics to me, it is because my brother is a nurse-to-be. My brother who is fierce to me and my sister appear to be a sentimental guy when he nurses his patients, how he feels guilty when he couldn't bath a patient properly, how he feels sorry for patients who are dangerously ill, how he is happy when his patients are cared properly and can be discharged. i heard part of these story from my mum, he likes to chat with my mum as this shows that he is a filial son too. Therefore, because my brother is a soon-to-be-NuRsE, i always like to admire RN who appears to be a male in hospital whenever i go for posting. A bit "Yellow" rite? Can't stand it, i have related all of them to my brother and tend to compare them as well. haha!!!!!!
Whenever i introduced my family members to whoever i know especially my patients who liked to ask me how many siblings i have, i will ensure that i properly introduce my brother to them that he is a student nurse as well, because I AM PROUD OF HIM, either to be my brother or to be a nurse.
Although, when any of my friends ask me how is the relationship of us? i always claim that me and brother are not close, but this is just a superficial explanation. I know that in my brother's heart, he is loving me and my sister as we are his siblings. 长兄为父，this explain why my mother always ask me and my sister to respect him nevertheless sometimes he craps unreasonably, he will be one of them who will take care of us in this life time.
Ya, my brother will graduate to become a Registered Nurse very soon, in 1 month time. From the bottom of my heart, i wish that he is always a happy and healthy nurse. If i have the gut that i wish to have, i want to say this to my brother:
"Ah Ko, you know, i am proud of you"
Indeed, so do my entire my family is proud of him.
2010年5月10日星期一
The Machine in my body tht i hate and like!
The machine in my body tht enables me to make baby,
made me cried the whole day!!!!!!!!
2010年5月9日星期日
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day to my mother and all the mothers.
I love you, ah ma. And i always love u as the way you love three of us!
**********
So do i, pre-wish to myself with this wish which could only happen in 1o to 12 years later.
U think i must be crazy.
To me, a lady will only be perfect and beautiful if she is a mother.
*********
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
2010年5月8日星期六
2010年5月2日星期日
Poo makes me write, haha！
Just now i was poo-ing (haha, dun feel digusting, ok?), not forgetting to look at my shit, i presumed it to be black stool. Haha, it was! i guessed past few days they were also, because i am on iron tablet once a day now for 10 days. So, today i purposely observed my stool as what i learned last year in Pharmocology, i can still remember this vividly, one of the side effect of Iron tablet is black stool, so one of the pt education is to reassure pt not to be afraid of when they notice that there is a change in colour,it is normal, besides encouraging pt to drink more water to prevent constipation as it is one of those side affects.
Iron deficiency anemia? haha, i diagnosed myself as so. My Hb was a bit low in order to donate my blood during the blood donation drive which was organised in my school last week. 11.9 g/dL , i thought i was eligible to donate blood, i mean it is quite normal for girl to have this range, but then the prerequisite was that Hb must at least hit 12.5. Sigh, again, i was inhibited to let my blood flow out to save life, there are always some obstructions, ya, there are, like those past 2 years in NYP, problems like time constraint during break time, i was having menses, or i was sick for past 3 days bf the donation. It is my destiny becoz this time i dun have the mentioned 3 problems, but yet my Hb failed me. So, the doctor prescribed me iron tablet, free one as it is not an ex thing, but it is Disappointed lie! haha, since then, i purposely choose a lot of rich iron food to eat, like pork liver~
Well, i was side track already. Actually, i want to talk about Pee & Poo today, in other formal word it is about elimination: urine & stool especially for the concern in my this blogging post. In year 1, i was taught to record and aware the amount, colour, consistency of urine and stool, like large amt of tea coloured urine, bloody urine, black and loose stool, ......a lot, of course each of them indicate something. and not to forget the odour, the smell. haha, urine smell is normally alike, normally stink, but for stool odour, it is important to note the smell and colour of stool, especially from patients with GI disorder. I still remember my Year 1 bio lecturer, Dr Julia's joke, a girl called Melina, sounds nice, for her name, but for stool called Melena, once u smell it u will never forget it in the rest of ur life, hahahaha.
Herm, i saw all kind of stool and urine, but for melena, i never got the chance to get contact with it. I was hoping that, because i can remember how does it smell like for the rest of my life~haha, i must be crazy. Well, to me, it is normal and very professional in talking stuffs about stool. As to become a nurse, u can't escape from shit n urine in ur basic nursing care. this is what i always tell my juniors who want to enter nursing, the first thing that u must learn to be brave enough is to confront the job of wiping back side of helpless patient, if u think that u can't do it, forget about being a Nurse.
Haha, i m not saying that the whole life of a nurse is dealing with shit n urine, but a novice student nurse will start their practice by doing all this basic job. If one were struck by this phobia n low esteem when dealing with all these stuff, he or she is in great danger of quiting nursing.
Yet, i am in the category of the bravest, (haha, paiseh, a bit proud), i do not face the problem in confronting, becoz i was told and prepared by my brother for the nature of the job of a nurse. And still i was persisting in choosing to enter NURSING. i knew the hard time of student nurse in facing this kind of problem because people around me, some of them are falling into this "wiping b.s." dilemma.
Undeniable that it is quite disastrous to handle Elimination Problem, the worse one tht i have ever come across so far was a diarrhea case. OMgoodness, pt was wrenching at abdo area in first hand, then started to complain of abdomen ache and wanted to poo poo. Subsequently, when i was asap in action to take commode to him, he couldn't wait anymore and was heading to the common patient toilet with the accompany of a senior. AND and and as he was walking to the toilet that was just next door of the cubicle, he was poo-ing with an uncontrolled bowel open. Along the way, there were drops of "gold". So, cleaning, moping, changing, showering......had to be done stat. The frightening part was, it happened 2 to 3 times, until we decided to put the limited commode on the bedside, just in case he need it.
So, do u still think tht working as a nurse is a blessing ? There was once, happened this year during sociology tutorial, the socio tutor hold a debate in the class, the title was: is working a curse or a bless? Proposition team was taking the curse, opposition team took the bless, i was in opposition team. One from the proposition team come out with the statement of: " We get scolded unnecessarily by the pt, dr, wiping back side, dealing all the shit and dirty thing and etc......everyday when we wake up, do u feel happy to go to work, does ur job make u feel privileged? If u r dragged to work, Do u still think working as a nurse is a blessing？I am sure most of u dislike all these thing, will u still willing to do all these low esteem stuff if u r not paid?" in short, working as a nurse is a curse to her.
I opposed her by saying tht, i am happy, i am blessed, i dun think wiping backside is a curse, instead i feel proud of my blessing hands. at least i m there for my helpless patient, who wants other people to do cleaning job for them, expose their privacy to a stranger? their children even couldn't brave to touch their own parents, but the nurses are there to assist! I dun drag myself to work, i am happy to go hospital, well, it is true tht we get scolded sometimes unnecessarily frm pt, but they r in pain, they dun mean to scold u personally, they r scolding at ur uniform!
If nobody were there to work as nurses as people take it as a curse, so dun ever fall sick and admit to hospital, because hospital will not have nurses to monitor u, to assist u, to change ur dressing & drip, to sponge u, to serve u drug, to order ur meal, to book ur appointment, to call Dr in case when u r dangerously ill, etc...... HAha, in the end, the teacher said not to narrow the debate to specific job, a bit out of track. Anyway, my friend she didn't mean to say tht, because it was a debate n she was in the "curse" team, just took nursing to elaborate the point.
i know i always like to procrastinate, there is one saying in cantonese, "will not drag a hole until u r urgently wanting to poo" (hihi, quite weird after translating to english) i like to describe myself with this saying. There was One day, i explained the meaning of this to my lao er (my china best friend) when we were taking our lunch, she halted me from saying shit thingy when we were eating, she said this would affect her appetite. haha, ya, most of us dislike to talk about this when we r eating.
And yet, guess wht? i am eating my lunch at the same time when i am blogging this post. Hihi, get used to it already~
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