2011年8月25日星期四

迷茫。

睡了超过20个小时,断断续续的觉之后,突然间觉得我,那很寂寞的我。为何本应美好的青春期,却是迷茫的呢?

昨天第一轮醒来时,习惯性地哭了,以为我迟到上班。 每次做完早班回来,如倒闭睡了,除了如常那杂乱的ward里的梦,不然醒来就是以为我迟到了,一边哭,一边盲找眼镜, 然后再猛找闹钟或手机查看时间。昨天,不懂是第几次,没有原因地嚎啕大哭了。

我想,我心里头很累了。对自己失望的累。

2011年8月16日星期二

Black part of Nursing!

Nursing, a job seems that it can be handled by everyone, I say so because the admission criteria to nursing course is very low and it does not require much from a person to have any special prerequisites like A-level or special pre-U course to join Nursing, not to mention the direct entry of degree nursing course in University, a Diploma level, which can be entered straight way after O-level, can legalise a graduand to become a State Registered Nurse.

So, putting it in a nutshell, criteria to become a nurse is very easy..... Well, in order to care for human life, nurses need skills, need experience, need critical thinking......which all these can be trained over the days....

But, to me, besides all that, the "heart" in term of being a caring and empathy nurse are the utmost criteria, to patients of course, but please do not forget, towards your COLLEAGUEs!!! as well....Because, we are all human...

Apparently, I was being "fired" a few times by one dianasour senior and even a junior nurse like me, okay, maybe can put her senior than me for about half a year...., which I find all these "firing" are very unreasonable. Really sounds sarcastic and I really wonder when they were "firing" others, did they really process the words in their brain before pouring out from their mouth??? What are their intention? Mentally wise I am always preparing to receive constructive comments from others, always reflecting what i have done, and honestly speaking I am that type of self blamed person which I angry myself more than getting myself mad on others. Those incidents did upset me, I keep on reflecting and found out that I shouldn't always torturing myself, I may not be right all the time, neither am I wrong all the time. Well, thinking in this way make me feel better and not really upset to a very bad extent.

So, just feel that people receiving comments should reflect, people giving comments also should reflect, secretly, seriously and frankly speaking, the very senior senior should reflect her own "weather changed" attitude and the "half a year older than me" junior nurse, please think of your words before commenting on me, dare you speak to a senior like this if yesterday you were receiving reports from a senior? You are just too fake in my opinion....from the day I know you.

Well, all these dissatisfaction, I can only ventilate as much as i can in blog. Sometimes, I do tell somebody whom I trust.

To me a nurse is a angel, helping patients and whoever in the line with her to grow, until now, I still have angelic perception about nursing. A kind heart that she should possess.

But there is always black sheep in wherever we are. I always afraid that one day I will turn into becoming one of the black sheeps, No, No, it sounds so scary!!!

My angelic nursing world is also a bitchy nursing world.

2011年8月11日星期四

I end his life....

Ya, I experienced it,

I am the one who extubate him...

R.I.P.

Terminal extubation

My patient is to be terminally extubated,

A body lying in front, who we care for, has lost his functioning of brain capacity, haemodynamically fuctioning with the assistance of machine.

Just like those drama that we watch, we have to literally take off the ventilator tubing, switch off the ventilator screen, waiting for the heart to show that it has stopped pumping at the physiological monitoring and offer our last respect service to the deceased which is called "last office".

I haven't experienced it yet, because the team was only informing the family about the decison when i had ended my shift yesterday.

I saw the tears of the poor father, the friends when i was about to leave the hospital.

他一生坎坷的生命就此结束了。

安息。

2011年8月9日星期二

Speed

I'm figuring ways to talk faster, look faster, give medicine faster, do care for patient faster, type report faster, walk faster.....with efficiency.....

It is about the speed!!!!

2011年8月7日星期日

Attempt extubation

Life in hospital will never be boring,
everyday, patients will give us different "excitement"....

Yesterday my pt. attempted to self extubate, luckily we were able to stop him, but because of his regurgitation, saturation didn't return, he got aspiration, sweat!!!!

I was shocked at that time, panic to the max, did open suctioning for him and to our horror, it was milk feed!!!

Staff who guided me, cool and calm enough and Dr. who attended him, decided to reintubate him, meanwhile, both of them kept on 叮诉me:"Don't panic, don't worry, stay calm...." I was shocked and freaked to the max!!! Gong X2, yyy?

Successful reintubation! I was guilty by the fact that the event can be prevented if i pressed his hand and be more aware of his action after releasing his restrainer.

Maybe i can or i cannot understand why my patient treated himself like this. Maybe is he wanted to XXX???

Saddened by the act of my patient! Yet, he provided me the opportunity to learn...how to deal with emergency situation...

2011年8月4日星期四

May he rests in peace.

:(, Just get to know it today, a patient who is significant to me in my beginning of nursing life, passed away two days ago.

May he rests in peace.

2011年8月2日星期二

Terrible night shift!

What a terrible night shift that i have, unstable patients......

The terrible was complicated by my slowness....

The worst part was i couldn't help my colleagues much who were busying the whole night admitting a superbly unstable polytrauma patient.

Xiao Li Jie Jie, I will speed up, I will, in order to cope with the overloading workloads.

Again, again, again, again, again, exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. Please do not give up!

2011年8月1日星期一

Happy Nurses' Day to Singapore Nurses & Happy JCI audit to Tan Tock Seng Hospital

Happy Nurses' Day to Singapore Nursed & Happy JCI audit to Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

1 August 2011, my fourth year celebrating Nurses's day here, first year celebrating as a full pledged Registered Nurse. Coincidentally, the organisation that I join in is facing its big day today as well--JCI accreditation audit started today till Friday.

Wishing all the best to my "Virgin Hospital"-- the busiest hospital in Singapore, a very nice hospital to learn.

Today, after ended night shift, went eating with colleagues, talking about the status of a Registered Nurse in Singapore, is so much different with other country whereby those country highly recognise RN status as high social status, high paid, less workload...etc, everyone seems to be not satisfied with the social status being recognised here--they claim that they are only "High Paid Maids", mainly pertaining to the fact that we have to clean up patient, dealing with their eliminations.

Of course, i was strongly disagree with their points, one of my colleague claimed that she was like me before when she was still a fresh pass out Junior Nurse, being so innocent about the "World of Singapore Nursing." . She wants to see how long can I be in my "World of Denial" which to her opinion.

Ya, I want to see also how long can I persist. I think I will still persist my own perception.

Isn't that part of a Nurse's duty is to provide comport to our patients? To me, if there is none of the nurses doing the cleaning job, who else can do it for the poor needy who can't help themselves at all when they are in a totally different environment and with health being compromised?

We are CAREGIVER, ADVOCATER, SUPPORTER & EDUCATOR for patients .

A skill that that a Nurse should possess--Our job is to know everybody's job, but not all that we know we can/must do it, because it is the matter of training background and issue of legalisation.