2008年12月19日星期五

Vacation Life

Lazy to type in Chinese Characters, this reason has prevented me to initiate to blog about my recent life. So, i decided to type my words out in English. Simple n faster.

Last few days ago i just took back my laptop. It had been admitted to the “Computer Hospital”. Finally It had been discharged and back to my site. It appeared a lot of problems, first the LCD screen has loosen, the keyboard has popped up, the information, i mean the program inside had problems which to me, an idiot to computer stuff, don’t know where and which part has gone wrong… . Ahhhh… Problematic Laptop. I usually treated it as baobei, but it still get sick! so, before i called the company, i had done a very wrong decision,. i went and reformat the data. How innocent am i that i didnt back up the information, i did, but without my knowing, all of them had been “washed away” when the reformatting was going on…. very sad….all of my precious information forever disappeared. What caused me sad the most was all my projects that had been stored, also say goodbye to me. Of course, those pictures which are precious to me also lost, especially those zinian and photo taken with my babies as well as with family and friends. Luckily, some of them Ooi Ling has. If not, those good reminiscene can’t affort to be reflected back!

My closed friend here, Ooi Ling went back to Msia already. This vacation, I choose not to go home, because of the written assignment, and another reason was to save money. Ha, I become very thrifty after coming to this “expensive country”. Actually can also call it as stingy. That day, when i sent her to take taxi, i was jealous and regret. Before that, Ooi Ling asked me about any regeretfulness inside me. My answer is “no” but it is actually not true. The night without her, i spent it with my tears. Then i realised, without family around me, she has become an important person to me, not as a friend only, but to me, she is my sister already. That is why i called her as “jie”( even tough she will also address me in that way) .

About my assignment, ha, still havent begun to write even a single word. Given a scenario, n the topic is about “LAW N ETHICS”. No concept, no idea, no this no that………Must start to draft something after this.

Yesterday, my china classmate LILI and i went to one of the local hospital here, TTSH ( TAN TOCK SENG) hspital, to see the photo exhibition about life of patients with HIV /AIDS. We discussed a lot. I asked Lili if she will discriminate those who have this disease, she corrected me, not discriminate,, is afraid of. She say she will afraid of, as well to me also will have the same ans as her. But i say if we r the one who r very unfortunate to get this disease, other people will also treated us like that way. Touch Wood. She agreed and say this is “REN ZHI CHANG QING”. Despite being health science (nursing) students with scientific knowledge, there is still a dillema amomg us. And not to forget our future job, is a great exposure to bind with this disease…….. Must really becareful and be a proffesional to handle this kind of situation.

As for the information of those who see my blog., i think i am dianogsed to have this disease called ” eating disorder”. Just take today’s meal for instance; i ate a lot!!!!! Until full also i dare to keep putting food inside my mouth. Then i feel regret, then i force myself to sleep to forget about the regretfulness. How silly i am !!! Cannot, from now onwards i really must JF( jian fei). Although i have set this jf programme as one of my target, i always against it!!! No, cannot i must stand strong. I believe i can!!

Putting all into a nut shell, i have written a lot. THESE are the result of long time being hidden to wite or type. yi kou qi da wan yao jiang de le……

2008年11月23日星期日

突然很想以前

朋友,今天看回咱们中学时代的照片,心里头涌了一股很想很想你们的滋味,万般不好尝。在这里,再也找不到那一种傻傻的青春了。我们彼此只不过分开了连一年都不到的时间。。。我不会忘了你们的,因为一生朋友一起走。美仪,汶镁,诗薇,美婷,健玉,雪慧, pei yen,凯婷,晓倩。。。。。。。。还有很多很多。。。。。。。今天脑海里出现了你们,希望晚上的时候,咱们的故事会继续发生。。。。延续着结束了的上集。。。

2008年10月27日星期一

很害怕有一天见不了我的至亲,那天的梦我没能忘掉。。。。。。

爸爸妈妈,

我好想你们。

某一晚,我梦见已不在人世的我,

化成灵魂,

出现在你们的面前,

无论我怎样呼叫你们,你们都没有理睬我。

我很难过,不停地告诉自己这不是真的。。。

直到清醒后,才庆幸这是一场梦,

虚惊一场!

2008年7月22日星期二

恢复?

阿源去世已有一个星期了。我已能够坦然地面对一个人真真的消失在世间的事实。没了就是没了。记得某一天,我还是很不能接受表弟离去的事实,我给哥哥打电话因为 我不想以后再面对类似的情况都是那么的执着, 我还是不知怎样去接受这一个已过去的但发生得太突然的消息。 哥哥叫我难过是可以但别难过太久,因为过去就是过去了,再多的泪水再也挽不回断了的呼吸。他说以后咱们有什么三长两短, 他也会选择。。。。。(我不想说他说过什么。。。)但后来,跟哥哥谈过天后,舒服多了,明白到,一出生就是慢慢步入失望了,谁也逃不了。。。。那一天最不渴望的来临。
我还记得一位代课老师教我们的那一堂课:care after death. 当时多半都是老师在讲。他说过:“Nothing much can be done to the patient who has died, as nurses, what we can do is on the patient’s family and relative, a simple action like passing the tissue to them, stand by their side, is enough………….. 有一幕,我还很清楚地记得,老师在讲述他父亲去世时候,那一种纸和笔永远无法形容的痛苦。所以现在,我最担心的莫过于大姨一家人的心理。希望时间会冲淡一切的不愉快。。。。
但,因为有这种“理所当然”的想法,我时常都会想那些不该想的东西。

走了

2008714号,我表弟死了。他去了很远远的地方,永远都不会再回来了, 我永远永远都不能在看到他的脸了,永远永远都不能听到他的声音了。为什么为什么为什么?他才十六岁而已!十六岁的生命就这样结束了。他很乖,平时都有帮家里干活。想要的事情都会尽力去做。太突然了!我不能接受这一个事实。为什么偏偏就是他?

阿源,如果你是听到的话,记住你的下一世,一定要好好地过。你在这一世的缘分虽然断了,但我们永远永远都不会忘了你。

安息吧。。。。。。

2008年7月13日星期日

生命

每一次上课,当老师讲起有关疾病与死亡的事件时,班上会莫名其妙地安静下来。每一次坐在轻快铁时,我都会看到不同的情景,我尤其注意来来往往的人们, 望着他们的呼吸,谈笑,严肃。。。。。有时袭进我脑袋的却是老师在课堂上讲的故事,我好害怕。。。

可以说话,可以走路,可以想做自己想干的事,可以安然无恙的睡觉,可以拥有呼吸,是多么幸福的一件事。

2008711日傍晚,我接到了一件令我很难过很难过的消息,妈妈在电话中告诉我家里发生了一件很不幸的事,我表弟出了严重的车祸,医生说还有六个小时就。。。。。。 严重的程度让听的人都感觉到辛酸。 我们摔了一个轻跤都会叫苦连天了,何况他只是一个十六岁的孩子,就得面对如此的痛楚。我当时哭了, 妈妈也哭了,我问妈妈大姨一家人还好吗?妈妈说,她身为外甥的阿姨,看到了满身是伤的孩子都难过得不得了了,更何况当事人的父母亲,皮肉之痛,受之父母。第一次,我深深地体验到家里人出事的那一种感觉,不知所措。

那一晚,我不断地祈求大慈大悲的观世音菩萨,保佑我表弟可以安全地渡过那一个艰难的时刻。想起了我跟我这唯一的表弟曾经在一起的时刻,只可惜没太多回忆。心里就那么地祈求他自己也有有很强很强的意志力, 帮助自己。我相信奇迹。那晚,也让我想起了我还未来到这片陌生的土地前,有一天我跟家人闹得很凶, 闹得甚至扬言我要自杀,哥哥对我说了一句到现在还深深烙在我心底的话:医院里有很多病人都挣扎得很辛苦,为的只是要活下来,你却为了这点事儿想结束那得来不易的生命。妈妈哭了,她说她养到十八年的女儿,就这么轻易结束自己的生命,叫当妈妈的她以后怎样面对那一辈子的痛楚? 当时的我愣了下来,顿时觉得自己很无知。。。。。。

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今天我再往家里给打电话,听闻表弟能够过得了昨晚的危险期。。。。。。大家还是正为他担心着。真的真的很希望他能够早日醒过来,尽快康复。

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我有很多次都想写点东西放上部落格,但却没有一次能够实行这一个行动,这一次我终于写了一些东西,只想对看了的人说:好好活着,你真的不知道下一秒所发生的事,因为:

生命是脆弱的。。。。。。