Holidays! Hooray!!!

假期了，久违的假期，令我万分期待，但还得呆在新加坡乡办些琐碎的问题，无法立刻回家。

现在真的长大了，我得留在这里办的都是成年人的问题， 如申请工作准证，搬家等，哈哈，听起来好像很酷。

成为一个小大人了。

痛恨自己不早点申请做这边的永久居民，不然的话，这个八月份，我就可以上大学了。背后很多复杂的原因，叙述得来，我就会越想越生气自己！！！

说起搬家，又开心又难过，开心莫过于有自己的窝，不用跟房东住；难过的就是，我必须跟我的阿姐分离，一个与我分享了三年开心与难过的同伴。

又是时候收拾那凌乱的书本，假期的心情之余，还得好好学习了。

那痛苦的三个月结束了，自己给自己的总结是，必须要有信心，必须要自律勤奋。

台湾第一位无国界医生宋睿祥医师的人生座右铭：“若要如何，全凭自己。”，我也得改变自己，才配得起职业的尊称，也才能好好地走完我这一世的人生。

:``(

I am so sad with the fact that my parents cannot protect me at this point of time.

I am scared and helpless.

Officially Graduate

Today was my last day to be called as a student nurse. Say goodbye to the stressful Surgical ICU. 3 months there, i cried, i stressed, i prayed whenever i went to work, i felt demotivated, i scared besides the gd things happened. The bad things just too much.

Where will be my future working place? I don't know, can i go back to ICU? I don't know, or should i go back to my initial interest? choose A&E? Too many to worry, my own competency to be considered.

In one and a half month time, i am licensed to be a Registered Nurse, start off with Staff Nurse II.

In times to come, when i am competent and knowledgeable, i want to treat my students and teach them patiently,

because every beginners has their own difficulty to start off to be confident.

I am one of them. I know i can be better if i have neutral confidence.

RN, RN, sounds great, but to be addressed this title, it is just another journey to start in taking the responsibilities of someone's life.

Reward of a nurse

I feel rewarded when my patients get better,

but when some patients do not show up nice incline in health improvements after a long time,

I sort of like want to give up on the pt and unconsciously creating a space with him,

This is an evil thinking in nursing career, mentality wise, I should be always praying for them and not cursing them!

Miracle does happens sometimes with persistent holistic medical and nursing care, what needs more are

time and SPIRIT of caring the patients.

2 more days to be called as a student nurse, shall i be happy or worry?

Piakkkkkkkkkkkk

I am too used to offer call bell to pt.

Until today, i offered a call bell to a pt. with tetraplegic .

Pt. said it is no use to him.

Dioong!!""!!

OMGoodness, a tight slap on my face, piakkkkkk! forgotten already.....

Sorry my pt., i hope i won't sadden you.

Updates for PRCP

Today, there was one collapsed case in SICU that i am working.
Just seen how fast the movements were about when it came to resuscitation.

So again, personally feel that working in ICU needs high alert.

And SICU, because it deals with wounds....and blood, pt. with polytrauma especially, the room will stink with blood...i felt like vomit when i smell it. hold my breath and discovered it when helping to do spinal turning. hermmh...I wonder if any proper nursing care could eliminate it?

Hate the computerised charting a lotzzzzzzzzzzzzz! a lot of unnecessary charting to me. Its like nursing the computer more than touching the patients.

Still forgetful about the routine: BSL checking, dressing changing, water flushing, meds serving, pt's turning, topical cream applying, perianal care, bed sheet changing....................and moral support (to me, this is as important as medical management and i am mute when confronting pt. with a strict preceptor, over frightened by her....)

And I started to define what is....."MY PATIENT', means to me?

If i put the context into a serious component, MY PATIENT is my family, would the heart of caring be different? Recently find that seems like i am not nursing a human life, panicky. Started to become robotic?

Being manipulated

Sense of being manipulated seriously.

Can't get pissed off, can't comment due to unique situation.

But Dear Friends Ooi Ling and Wen Mei, I need your pairs of listening ears for my grumbling.

Becoz both of u are my only friends who know the situations best.......

And i need my parents to protect me, i need them because my ah pa and ah ma are 'parents' by 'training', they know their kids best.

People who are not parent for any kids will never ever understand how a kid thinks, how a kid's life wish to be.

A lot of times you think you are right, actually you are immersed in your own world with the fact that you are wrong with a lot of judgement. You think you know people the best, actually you know nothing of them! You think the job of other is just being very simple and always favor the usefulness and wisdom about that particular occupation, you make me speechless!

I know i owe you a lot and WAS respecting you but your self centered and the way you plan people's life just make me desperately depressed!

How should i confront her?

Happy Chinese New Year

Binge eating problem strikes me back!!!

Get scolded in clinical. Feel embarrassed and disappointed!

One month to go, still feel lost!

Getting fatter and lazier. Limitless sleeping yet still feel exhausted.

Miss home and friends a lotzzzz!

And, today is Chinese New Year, seems nothing to me.

Being abroad, going to celebrate with my patients later.

Anyway, i think all these moody thingy will happen once in a month.

Guess what:

It is my freaking"Premenstrual Syndrome!", Arghh.

No, i should be positive because today is CNY!!!! New start for Chinese. Proud to be Chinese indeed. Okay, henceforth, positive mind please come back!

Happy Chinese New Year!! to all Chinese in all around the world, and specially dedicated to floaters living abroad who are far away from their beloved family...