小错误足以酿成的麻烦与悲剧

昨天一个不小心犯了一个stupid mistake!　小错误足以酿成的麻烦与悲剧。

被sister训了一顿，说我：“you people like no interest.....what if you don't realise, what will happen to the patient?" 骂得我，心如刀割！努力要做好本份却给错误打坏个人形象！

庆幸，被发现。是的，我又做错了。

*&^%$@!----是给我自己的！下不为例！

感动

当sister一句：“芷婷，你还好吗？”

我傻眼地望着她，因为在工作这条路上虽然说是teamwork, 很多时候，对每天千变万化的医疗环境，我都会感觉一个人孤军作战， 难以形容的寂寞。

她再望了望我那散乱的发丝说： “没什么，只是好久没见到你。”

当然，typical 答案是说自己还好。

重点是：我感觉到， 至少在有人显明地只有我和她时，无形地欺负我的同时，难过得憋死我时，另一霜，也有真诚的长者在关心我。

虽然只是一个再普通不过的问候，或许对方也没期待得到的答案是在听你真实的情况。但，这样简单的问候却能让我辨别对方的真诚。

简单的一句问候，想起来，却激荡我的泪泉。

Night Shifts

To me,

Night shifts= Collapse straight away after reaching home......even after sleeping, the tiredness still there....

So,

I really salute those doctors on-call who cannot sleep due to busyness, because they have to work for about 29 hours if lucky, or if unlucky, the hours will be more than that....

I salute them more if after working for long hours, they are still in polite manner. haha....

Sleep deprivation really kills.......

终于

这个终于, 是献给我"终于"收拾完东西"的毅力。哈哈，只能形容自己：千山易改， 本性难移。。。

**********

日本朋友前来新加坡实习，前天与他们，还有琳姐出去玩，听他们说我听不懂的日语，好怀念。。。今天的去年是我在2010年时最兴奋的一天，还是要老套地说一句：时间过得真快。。。

明天还有一天的休息日：我就得开工了。。。开工快乐！

家

家，在家让我暂时忘了生活上的烦恼。

可以跟父母撒娇，听妈妈的唠叨。

生活上多了不少生气。

只可惜，好景不常在。。。

「初戀那件小事」

重复看了这部泰国电影很多很多遍，一部幽默，又令我心疼的一部爱情喜剧。看了后的感觉就像是六年前看了Titanic那样的感觉，似乎有一丝丝的遗憾存留。。。

让我回想起自己当年的少女情怀。虽然现在的我才刚脱离少女时期，踏入成人阶龄。哈哈，
说起着暗恋的激情，青春期的荷尔蒙，我自从离开家乡到新求学时就没那么激烈了，后来的后来，就消失了。

哈哈，现在看了这部剧，真令人回味。想当年我也做过某些傻事，当然没有剧中的女主角那么的明显。也没有像水那样幸运得到对方的青睐。说起改变，我是暗地里地改变自己，在外形方面 （学习和课外活动我一向都很积极的），回想起来，话说减肥对我来说是最痛苦的事， 却在我“思春”荷尔蒙时刻起了非同凡响的效用，我人生最瘦，最爱美的时刻（除了小时候的爱打扮），就是在六年前当我欣赏一个我自称他为“一八五”的男生。 他很高，很高, 高到与我擦肩而过，我的高度连他的肩膀都没能到达。他的精准高度是我后来，他毕业离校之后我才知道。

想当年，我初中三，他高中二（中五）。印象中的他皮肤白皙，身材高壮，很帅，长得像韩国的赵又承 (喜欢阿赵也是因为他)。 最令我不可思议的是，在一天里我可以跟他有很多意外的碰面，自己还会傻到细数碰面的次数。暗地里觉得自己跟人家很有缘。 每一天我都很期待上学，更喜欢星期一的周会，因为可以近距离地望着他的背影。。。后来，跟朋友分享我这份遇到他很多次的喜悦，一抬头就望到他的惊喜，却给朋友讥笑我说她曾经看过的笑话：“一位少女很开心地跟他的某位老师诉说她一天里遇到哪个男生很多次，证明他们很有缘份，老师不打识趣地说，他跟女生的见面次数岂不是超过她跟那男生的缘份？”

晕@~@, 也对啦，我们的学校，在镇里是最小的学校，小到连个足球场都不如。哈哈，自己想多了。

那份激情在男生离校后就没了，维持一年的激情没了，这差不多一年的时间应该是最久的少女情怀吧。但，那时候我给自己的总结是，我对那学长只是纯粹欣赏，并非暗恋，因为，人家离校后不久我就把人家给忘光了。

那是蓝裙白衣傻傻的时代。想起来都很觉得自己很好笑。

哈哈。后来到了poly读书，到医院实习，也试过有一次，对方是一位护士，哈哈，荒繆的是，激动好像是少过两个月。原因也是因为没看到对方，就没了那份遐想。

初恋这件小事，看了几回儿都不腻，但它却给我带来一丝丝的遗憾。勾忆起中学的美好时代，却让我不想长大，我想回到过去做些更傻的事儿。残酷的事实却是每一分每一秒，我的细胞都在催化着我在成长， 而现在已经长大了，依然没有属于自己的初恋。。。。。

悲催啊。。。。。。但积极地想起来，这部影片好像是激起了我，少女纯怀与激动。虽说在很多比我大的成人眼里，我还是个思想简单的黄毛丫头，但以前无厘头的自己比起现在压抑的自己，那充满勇气的傻孩子却是一个很值得怀念的自己。。。

我还真敢讲出当年的秘密，因为我是个很会守秘密的人。。。哈哈，无所谓啦，说明是想当年，认识我的朋友别吓到哦。。。

谈良心

啊, 真气死人了， 说到这事儿，真的很痛恨自己，违背良心干事儿！！！

下不为例！！！因为到现在事发已一个星期了，我还惦记这事儿。。。

迷茫。

睡了超过20个小时，断断续续的觉之后，突然间觉得我，那很寂寞的我。为何本应美好的青春期，却是迷茫的呢？

昨天第一轮醒来时，习惯性地哭了，以为我迟到上班。 每次做完早班回来，如倒闭睡了，除了如常那杂乱的ward里的梦，不然醒来就是以为我迟到了，一边哭，一边盲找眼镜， 然后再猛找闹钟或手机查看时间。昨天，不懂是第几次，没有原因地嚎啕大哭了。

我想，我心里头很累了。对自己失望的累。

Black part of Nursing!

Nursing, a job seems that it can be handled by everyone, I say so because the admission criteria to nursing course is very low and it does not require much from a person to have any special prerequisites like A-level or special pre-U course to join Nursing, not to mention the direct entry of degree nursing course in University, a Diploma level, which can be entered straight way after O-level, can legalise a graduand to become a State Registered Nurse.

So, putting it in a nutshell, criteria to become a nurse is very easy..... Well, in order to care for human life, nurses need skills, need experience, need critical thinking......which all these can be trained over the days....

But, to me, besides all that, the "heart" in term of being a caring and empathy nurse are the utmost criteria, to patients of course, but please do not forget, towards your COLLEAGUEs!!! as well....Because, we are all human...

Apparently, I was being "fired" a few times by one dianasour senior and even a junior nurse like me, okay, maybe can put her senior than me for about half a year...., which I find all these "firing" are very unreasonable. Really sounds sarcastic and I really wonder when they were "firing" others, did they really process the words in their brain before pouring out from their mouth??? What are their intention? Mentally wise I am always preparing to receive constructive comments from others, always reflecting what i have done, and honestly speaking I am that type of self blamed person which I angry myself more than getting myself mad on others. Those incidents did upset me, I keep on reflecting and found out that I shouldn't always torturing myself, I may not be right all the time, neither am I wrong all the time. Well, thinking in this way make me feel better and not really upset to a very bad extent.

So, just feel that people receiving comments should reflect, people giving comments also should reflect, secretly, seriously and frankly speaking, the very senior senior should reflect her own "weather changed" attitude and the "half a year older than me" junior nurse, please think of your words before commenting on me, dare you speak to a senior like this if yesterday you were receiving reports from a senior? You are just too fake in my opinion....from the day I know you.

Well, all these dissatisfaction, I can only ventilate as much as i can in blog. Sometimes, I do tell somebody whom I trust.

To me a nurse is a angel, helping patients and whoever in the line with her to grow, until now, I still have angelic perception about nursing. A kind heart that she should possess.

But there is always black sheep in wherever we are. I always afraid that one day I will turn into becoming one of the black sheeps, No, No, it sounds so scary!!!

My angelic nursing world is also a bitchy nursing world.

I end his life....

Ya, I experienced it,

I am the one who extubate him...

R.I.P.