ICU plays mathematics

Seriously feel that ICU plays with plus and minus a lots.

One patient has 7 to 8 drips running at one time. Faint. Dilute here and titrate there.

むずかしね！！！！！！！！！！

I have an international look + PRCP

My patient said i look like Japanese because I am fair (hihi) and the way i talk (oops, maybe i apologized too much....) and to my personal view: maybe is due to my my English (I don't speak Singlish, neither am i speaking fluent English, but i always try to speak proper English with proper grammar....) makes he felt that i am?

Haha. Really? Appearance wise how can he judged. I was wearing mask. Well, i told him, i am very happy to hear that and i went to Japan bf. I am a poor-portrayed Malaysian, because I don't carry my Malaysian accent with me, unless i am with Malaysian friends together. Haha, I am mostly misunderstood to be China Chinese (frm Guang Dong...), Hong Kongner, sometimes Singaporean, even Filipino, Korean, Taiwanese, Japanese.......

...........................................

PRCP.

I have too high expectations on myself, i aimed not to commit stupid mistakes everyday when i go to hospital. And yet, everyday i will commit some.

But, yesterday i committed a serious mistake that i couldn't forgive myself. I nearly do harms on my poor pt. Luckily i was saved on time. If not, for my whole life, i will live with guilty.

My staff who saved me on time asked what is my objective coming for this PRCP, i said the major one is not to do mistakes, even for the simplest job. She said i shouldn't think in that way.

Yup, she was true. Nobody wants to commit mistakes. The more you hope not to, the more you commit.

Today, i committed some, but they were not life threatening one. Those stupid mistakes actually could be prevented, but....

provided that my brain is with me, so sad, my brain is always sabotaging me! Brain ah brain, please concentrate and have critical mind pls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or, maybe i hope to jump fast whereby i couldn't. I am overestimated myself!

Tired of going hospital, no motivation, hate meeting unfriendly staffs (dislikes this the most, i will get lost easily in front of those who are not friendly), hate of being asked: How long have you been here (isshhhhhh! not everybody is a fast learner, ok!), dislikes staffs who do not give a proper care (because i am forced to follow their style, i choose to keep quiet for their nonprofessional care because if i say something, am sure they will get mad with me, hate me and poking me behind).

Well, of course there are happy moments if i meet staffs who are friendly, willing to teach, staffs who give proper care (even though i am scolded and yelled but i am still very grateful for being precepted by this kind of professional staff). And of course the happiest moment is i can have some improvements but the satisfaction will always defeated by those stupid mistakes.

Tomorrow off for one day, so happy!

Dr. Soong Ruei-Hsiang (Part 2) in Hong Kong, Sept. 4, 2008

Dr. Soong Ruei-Hsiang (Part 1) in Hong Kong, Sept. 4, 2008

Allergy to "FASTER"....Arghhhh!

Super irritating! The word 'Faster' keep on buzzing at me!

Hello, i am new ok! DEMORALISING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRCP updates + Happy English New Year 2011

PRCP to me is a very important thing to me, my 3 years of Nursing course, whether i could successfully pass out, it holds a great control.

It is a different posting, ventilated patients, tracheo patients, chest tube patients, ARDS patients with superly low Spo2, whole body with all kinds of tube.....

First time, i did last office for a deceased patient, First time, i saw PEA and asystole, i wiped her body, wrapped her and saw how the nurses and doctor broke bad news. I did not feel sad, nor i cried. i used to afraid to witness death happened on my patients whom i nursed. i did not feel that desperate mainly because i did not nurse her, she was admitted to SICU in the middle of the night and died the other day. From that incident, i started to gain some insight, ICU is what the heck place where patients either can make it or the other way. No alive patients will be discharged from ICU, they will be stepped down to HD or GW, the only discharge procedure is a forever bye bye case.

First time taking care of poly trauma patient, pin traction, haaah, looking at and touching her makes my body feels aching, it is heart aching to see what she is going through. It is very painfullll! Reminded me of my cousin.

First time seeing patient BP crashed, wah, super scary, happened to be there, scared of being called to do something. I wanted to escape but the other hand i wanted to learn, so i chose to stay. Luckily, i am not told to do anything. Phewwh~ Another same case, first time seen one bedside OGD case, scared to approach, but for learning purpose i forced myself to approach, the scope tube is freaking huge. Why am i always scare, mainly because i afraid to be told to do something that are beyond my ability.

First time feeling embarrassed in clinical, because do not know how to pass a handover report. Feel embarassed when the sister who came to spot check us. She said there are 3rd year students who are able to pass a fabulous report, we can't.

First time meet a Registered Nurse who owns a thinking mind and caring heart. Not that the other do not have, but he cares who we are although he has nothing to do with us, neither is our CI nor our preceptor. I am a fortunate kid, because i have my own caring preceptor and him. He goes beyond to help us. Overheard that he lost passion, I hope that he regain back his real passion. I need him. We need him.

First time having fear to go for posting, because patients are too ill and i am too nerdy. Fear of unfriendly staffs that make me feel lousy. Yes, i am slow, i am dumb, i am poor in communication,but i promise to be caring if my passion, diligence, conscience and responsibility remain with me. No, i just couldn't lose all these.

First time freaking hate one nursing job, haha, not the caring patients part, i dislike one of the Enrolled Nurse's job, these 2 weeks i have been doing EN job, because we have to be competent at the basic job even though we are trained to be RN. Argghhh, the job is: topping up the individual cubicle items. Arghh! I am a failed stock topper!!!!!

First time having counselling on 'u must socialise' from my school CI, because i asked her whether i can request to work during CNY. Her respond was: 'come sit down, i seriously need to talk to you, you are abnormal....' She counselled me to be more socialise, going out with friends, building up a fictive kins relationship is important because you are staying overseas, and one funny point she had stressed for a few times:'who knows by socialising u will meet ur prince charming' haha. Ya, she is true that i should socialise more, not that i want to meet my Prince, haha, it is mainly because i am poor in communication, scare to speak up compared to those olden days. Lost my gut, not a straight forward me anymore. Ok, hope that next time when i c her, i can proudly say that i have gone out of the shell.

............well, PRCP, i care you. care, care, care u lotzzzzzz. Floating on basics, lacking advanced knowledge, lacking hands on practice, inner fear, lacking critical mind, poor in communication, i want to get rid all of these. I want to be the competent one.

Well, finish crapping, still have 2 challenging months of PRCP. Next week starts RN job performance. Today i am tidying up my room, again a failed room keeper because my things will always go into a mess no doubt i have tidied them. I dislike this keeping and tidying job! Not yet finished! Blog 1st!

And lastly....................Happy English New Year of 2011 to those who read my blog. Must stay healthy.

And from today i am unofficially 21 years old, approaching an adult age. Time flies.