PRCP updates + Happy English New Year 2011

PRCP to me is a very important thing to me, my 3 years of Nursing course, whether i could successfully pass out, it holds a great control.

It is a different posting, ventilated patients, tracheo patients, chest tube patients, ARDS patients with superly low Spo2, whole body with all kinds of tube.....

First time, i did last office for a deceased patient, First time, i saw PEA and asystole, i wiped her body, wrapped her and saw how the nurses and doctor broke bad news. I did not feel sad, nor i cried. i used to afraid to witness death happened on my patients whom i nursed. i did not feel that desperate mainly because i did not nurse her, she was admitted to SICU in the middle of the night and died the other day. From that incident, i started to gain some insight, ICU is what the heck place where patients either can make it or the other way. No alive patients will be discharged from ICU, they will be stepped down to HD or GW, the only discharge procedure is a forever bye bye case.

First time taking care of poly trauma patient, pin traction, haaah, looking at and touching her makes my body feels aching, it is heart aching to see what she is going through. It is very painfullll! Reminded me of my cousin.

First time seeing patient BP crashed, wah, super scary, happened to be there, scared of being called to do something. I wanted to escape but the other hand i wanted to learn, so i chose to stay. Luckily, i am not told to do anything. Phewwh~ Another same case, first time seen one bedside OGD case, scared to approach, but for learning purpose i forced myself to approach, the scope tube is freaking huge. Why am i always scare, mainly because i afraid to be told to do something that are beyond my ability.

First time feeling embarrassed in clinical, because do not know how to pass a handover report. Feel embarassed when the sister who came to spot check us. She said there are 3rd year students who are able to pass a fabulous report, we can't.

First time meet a Registered Nurse who owns a thinking mind and caring heart. Not that the other do not have, but he cares who we are although he has nothing to do with us, neither is our CI nor our preceptor. I am a fortunate kid, because i have my own caring preceptor and him. He goes beyond to help us. Overheard that he lost passion, I hope that he regain back his real passion. I need him. We need him.

First time having fear to go for posting, because patients are too ill and i am too nerdy. Fear of unfriendly staffs that make me feel lousy. Yes, i am slow, i am dumb, i am poor in communication,but i promise to be caring if my passion, diligence, conscience and responsibility remain with me. No, i just couldn't lose all these.

First time freaking hate one nursing job, haha, not the caring patients part, i dislike one of the Enrolled Nurse's job, these 2 weeks i have been doing EN job, because we have to be competent at the basic job even though we are trained to be RN. Argghhh, the job is: topping up the individual cubicle items. Arghh! I am a failed stock topper!!!!!

First time having counselling on 'u must socialise' from my school CI, because i asked her whether i can request to work during CNY. Her respond was: 'come sit down, i seriously need to talk to you, you are abnormal....' She counselled me to be more socialise, going out with friends, building up a fictive kins relationship is important because you are staying overseas, and one funny point she had stressed for a few times:'who knows by socialising u will meet ur prince charming' haha. Ya, she is true that i should socialise more, not that i want to meet my Prince, haha, it is mainly because i am poor in communication, scare to speak up compared to those olden days. Lost my gut, not a straight forward me anymore. Ok, hope that next time when i c her, i can proudly say that i have gone out of the shell.

............well, PRCP, i care you. care, care, care u lotzzzzzz. Floating on basics, lacking advanced knowledge, lacking hands on practice, inner fear, lacking critical mind, poor in communication, i want to get rid all of these. I want to be the competent one.

Well, finish crapping, still have 2 challenging months of PRCP. Next week starts RN job performance. Today i am tidying up my room, again a failed room keeper because my things will always go into a mess no doubt i have tidied them. I dislike this keeping and tidying job! Not yet finished! Blog 1st!

And lastly....................Happy English New Year of 2011 to those who read my blog. Must stay healthy.

And from today i am unofficially 21 years old, approaching an adult age. Time flies.