On telling a lie that i regret

i was lying yesterday, i told a lie tht make me felt uncomfortable since e words hv popped out frm my mouth. It is really an ashamed to my own personality! Indeed, i m angry wf myself! I wonder should i blog here? but i merely want to write it out, to defend tht i m unintentionally being a deceiver.

Arghh! it is my class again. On being successfully survive for these 5 days, even though i was stabbed behind, n attacked by their "unobvious" critism, i survived without being a rude person to them. All i do is PRETEND~

It was lab session, the 2 hour slot was for us to practice the nursing skills that had been taught in this week: surgical scrubbing, gowning n gloving, n concious level chart (CLC). For the first hour, when i was practicing CLC wf my friends, one of their gang urgently ask me whether i bring my laptop. shortly, i was thinking tht i dun want to lend them, honestly speaking that i dislike to let them to use my laptop regardless of whtever reason tht they need it now!

I told a lie, a lie tht made me telling more lie to cover the first lie. A LIE THAT PORTRAYED VERY MUCH ON MYSELF, i am selfish wf a narrow heart.

I deceived tht my laptop was running low battery. Then, he asked for the charger. Well, i brought that. No choice bt to lend to them to send photo which explained why they need my laptop urgently. The truth is my laptop was almost fully charged. i opened n let them to utilise it. Gosh!!!!when i saw e "power indicator" was showing quite a high % of battery, i was nervous. Told a second lie, by having to say tht e indicator is reflecting a wrong one n nt reliable, without charger, my lappy will shut down very fast. I don't knw why i was behaving like tht.......

Subsequently, i was the one who did all e sending for them! Quite angry wf them actually. They took up my precious time to practice e skills becoz in the end after i finished wf tht, my friends had switched to another skills alrdy!!! The worse thing that freaked me was when that guy was being grateful tht he was lucky to send the picture on time, the other girl who helped him to take their portrait photo said: 'u r just lucky tht SOMEBODY bring laptop!" ISSHHHHH!! it was irritating n to my honest heart speaking:'i m unwilling to help them!!! at tht time. bt i PRETEND again.

Ok, i hv finished wf e story. in e end, instead, i am angry wf myself the most now, I was immediately falling into a big dilemma after e first lie. why? why i was like tht? why did i deceive? Why i was so sensitive in wht they said? Why don't i just say i am going to lend them n use a sincere heart of willingness to help them? Why can't i just be a generous-heart person?

Aren't you urself promised urself to own a generous heart? i breached it yesterday, for most possible reason is: i am angry wf them subconsciously.

Really, it was upsetting me, for being untruthful to myself n selfish to others.

Regret on being tht. I m sorry.