Finally, I figured out, why recently, since working, my emotion is fluctuating extremely unstably?
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Ya, I am an adult, has already turned into year of 21 this year,
In this significant year, I also enter into the workforce, as a WORKING ADULT, whereby lots of my friends still studying in their university, enjoying their youth time.
From a study adolescent to a working adult, a year where two significant changes happen on me at the same time, from a protective environment to an open environment where life and death are concern, will it be normal that, I say it is a hard environment for me to fully adapt it?
As an adult, I miss adolescence time, I miss my puberty hormone, keep on reflecting to the past, feeling sad and regretful a lot of time, because I wanna go back to my high school time, give me a chance, to go back to make changes in that two years which I find them sucks, I wanna the two years to be meaningful two years, whereby I could manage to get better results than I have done, a happier environment to be than I had. It was too plain to graduate my secondary school like that, I wanna it to be more interesting, because all the while I was mainly stressful on my academics. Undeniable that there is memorable one with some of my buddies, but it was too little...... Although I know, looking back to the past, ain't helping me at all, I just couldn't help it.
And now, being a nurse, graduated this year from nursing school, and got the privileged to pass out to work in highly specialised area, Intensive Care Unit, whereby the sickest people are there, and whereby most of the people working there are with donkey years of experience, and who am I, the inexperience novice. All the while, what make me uneasy is that, when I do reflection what I have done in my work, with all the stupid mistakes I committed, with the negligence that I made which ever cause harm to patient, I started to be paranoid that have I missed out this and that....how are my patients under my care after I pass to others? I worry about my carelessness, and I know being worry ain't helpful, ya, I try my best to be careful to whatever I am doing during my job, being paranoid in checking the dosage of drugs that I am administering, checking and looking on my patients's vitals non-stop, what is happening in the surrounding........But when I go back home, the reflection somehow is being distorted, like what I have done isn't the way it should be......I am overwhelmed with that! Everybody says that, mistakes will make you a better nurse, but it is dangerous to say so, to me, because the one we care for is somebody's loves' one. A lot of time, I wanna find reason to be sick, wanna take MC, don't want to go to work.
I know I should choose a way to be positive, be confident....yeah, I know how to persuade and console myself as I always console others and advice others to stay positive and look forward, move on. And myself is the one on the contrast, who cannot standstill or continue stepping forward and a lot of time, unintentionally stepping backward.
What I can conclude here, biologically speaking, it is the effect of growing hormone, and psychologically wise, it is a normal adaptation period with all kind of emotion when I go through this sociological term, the transition of life...I went through from a child to a teenage, and same things happened whereby there was a lot of complicated feeling and now it is the period of a teenage to a working adult with even more complicated emotions. Thus, yeah, normal to be emotional.
So, be brave, is what I should do now. Back to be an Aries which I used to be. All the sucks will be temporary only. I will see the rainbow one day!
A big smile:)
